Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Haha... today work morning... nearly late again... actually confirm late one... but while i walking to the busstop, i was thinking to take cab anot, then suddenly the cab appears... yaya, anyhow spend again... fuck up rite... bo bian... i must learn my lesson... tml 6 wake up...
Go back 2 days ago... 28 of may... work morning... saw a guy call david... heard tt he pretty powerful... but small kid la... then heard cheryl say tt he tuesday birthday... call me bring him to garden room pretend take something.... then nvr brief me carefully, so i bring him there just anyhow say loh... call him wait for awhile i go ask clearly wat to bring... then xiao lao po bring us go through kitchen to back area, then we sing birthday song... hehe... watever la... not very close to him... but at least know a friend... then after tt bao bei also 4 o'clock finish, then i wait for her loh... then we go charcoal eat... 66 plus... she pay 50... then actually wanna go c show de... too late... so we go drink coffee loh...12 plus... she pay 10... like most of the money she pay... like sugar mummy... wahaha nvm, next time treat her back... cannot like tt... she say she xing tong i earn money so hard then spend on her... then i not xing tong meh? haiz... after tt... hehe go her house...
Acutally just wanted to send her back but in the end go her house rest... then talk cock... then... hehehehehe... i say i wan tt one...(which one?) then she say cannot, becos i not her bf... she's not so sui bian... then it's simple loh... u know, i can easily counter this loh.... but... erm... i just can't say... arghhh... aiya dun say which one la... end of story i just give a peck on her face la... n she onli lean on my shoulder... tt's it... we nvr do anything funny...wat i wan is a hug from her la... but she dun even wan to give me... haiz... erm... but i can't la... ya i like her... but i can't loh... if she like me enough she will initiate de... but she didn't... n i think i shouldn't force loh... just so simple la... let's nature take it cos la... this is wat i told her... n i already told her, my career is more important... than wasting other time...
Think of the past... eve called me out for drinking yesterday... for wat? u know i dun like drinking... somemore next day working leh... the most important thing is i dun wanna c them... i know it clearly... still not ready ba... erm... someone i used to hug, now hug by my best friend... nnb... dun think can take it ba... wat will happen? dunno, nothing will be wrong, still can be myself... still can smile, but... just felt funny... i'm not easily can let go ba... dunno leh... i dun love her le, n i know i shouldn't n i won't... but the memory will forever be in my mind... i can love someone else liao... maybe i with someone le, c them i dun feel funny ba... but i now haven't love anyone...
Now ah... think i will love some one the way like last time... i use to love her like tt... but i didn't wish her to be happy now... i wish her be happy in the future... but human dun live for long ah... so future is important, but now also very important ba... remember, dun need to use too much force la... important is happy loh... in all ways i will make my next one happy ba... this is wat she write on her last entry of diary... but i'm not happy ah, tt's y, i say she love herself more than me... of cos... fei hua... haiz... i will love my next one, but will not expect n trust her love... just like last time... yaya very luo suo... NG NG...
Haiz... today c bao bei... she like not very happy leh... ask her wat happened she also nvr say... untill the end then i know a bit bit... but dun worry, i support u... wat happen i also will support u de... i wanna c the happy u... promise be happy ok? this is wat u teach me...^_^"
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Haiz... today off... now alone... msg shi man, she not at zhe house, bao bei go work le ba, dun disturb her... nowadays always msg her, think she will feel very fan ba... haiz... esther not coming to bring her dog out... i alone now...
Was working double yesterday... back up my xiao lao po... of cos cannot relax, everything do fast fast... try not to let her get scoldings... now whole body like going to cramp already... finally today off, tml morning... next week schedule quite nice... think i keep up this schedule ba... somemore can earn alot... july onwards, the pay one week one time... ok la better...actually this week my schedule i will get 400 de... but now left 270... y leh? 50 bucks go buy a old note with aloyson, then another 80 bucks go where? 60 go treat shi man eat sushi, the rest leh? tt night take cab from yck to my house, 11 plus... then the rest should be misc. ba... calculate very clear le... next week going to bring they all to vet le... tooooo so long le... erm... long time nvr alone le... dun feel like bathing for them... i'm so tired... later ba... bath liao bring them down, then make themselves dirty again, then go play with shit at night, then i bath them for fuck... too bad they can't bath everyday... if can i will bath them everyday...
Erm, yesterday come home room light close le... erm... i remember irene say she going back malacca right? dun realli remember... nah... tonight c how, not at home then sleep my room le... miss my room...
Seriously speaking... long time nvr alone for so long liao... sleeping dun say... haiz... easily think of the past... miss tt time... even alone i still felt tt someone is by my side... too bad, tt feeling i already gave it to others... not i give, is i dunno how to treasure ba... seriously i know i have my mistake last time... i guess this loneliness is part of my retribution ba... for not treasuring... erm...but at tt time, or even now, do anybody treasure me? my friends my family... i dunno... it seems like i more n more dun treasure my family le, but i know they r still there... i work so hard also just becos i wanna help them... my friends, i always wanna help them out la, but anyway just felt tt some emotional things should keep to myself... dun wanna hurt them... my fling... hehe now onli got one tt i'm serious... dunno y la, i just give it a gap loh... relationship need 2 hands to clap de ma, think she like me also la... but can she comprimise with the things she dun like tt is in me? like my dogs, she dun really like ba, n habit also... i not very clean de, haha but she's damn neat n tidy... this one i should compromise with her la... dunno leh... should i give it a try? should understand more first? or should i just hack care n go for my aim? dunno la... choose second one... plus let her understand me... anyway the surrounding ppl already can c le ba, how close i with her n how i talk to her... keke, n she like dun mind... erm... got hope ba.... but wait loh.... no need panic... we r just closer friends now... later dun msg her le... at night then msg... erm erm... i was thinking of changing a new phone... tot of SE M600i... but very little place got sell n it's over my budget... y not i also buy LG shine? hehe ting wanna buy de... i use liao c good anot then tell her loh... my phone trade in should be 250 to 300, then buy tt one... should give another 300 can buy liao... at least i give the 300 hundred i feel worth loh... hehe... i guess tt gal should be thinking of buying this phone also, since her chocolate i bought for her lost liao... haiz... how neh? sterilise plus vacination 200, bill 150, then should give bro 100 to shut him up first(hehe) then 300 for shine, altogether 750... nbcb... 2 weeks settle... >_<"
Friday, May 25, 2007
Haiz... today is a bad day, i was late for work... i failed myself... call g/h tell them i maybe late... elly pick up... say a few words...
me:" i maybe late for 15 mins( just to be safe)"
elly:" issit? them help me tell the guest pls be late also..."
me:" elly, dun like tt leh..."
elly:" c u later..."
directly cup my phone... nbcb... feel so pain... treat her like a friend too loh... need to say untill like tt meh? ya work is work, friend is friend... then y last time at work u tell me about personal things? fuck la... actually i can reach just in time... i know de... but i just scare i late so i call... in the end, sit down there fa die... untill 730 then leave house... so disappointed... go down all the way show a face... i dun like to work like tt... but emo la... since ur policy is work like tt, then i will work like tt... won't joke, won't say anything stupid... just work... talk also talk about work... tt's it... i failed myself... i will tell cheryl tml... i'm not joining as full time... i'm not capable enough... tml onwards reach g/h 715...
Yesterday go out with feby... go interact with her... talk cock untill 11 plus... alot of things talk loh... she's not tt type despo de la... just like to make new friends... haha... if u ask me like her anot.... erm i dunno... a bit of feelings ba... but... dun think can make it... be friends ba... if really got feelings, everything will be ok de... but dunno how... i changed... changed into something liao... i lost my cool when i msg her... i tell my feelings... shit... dunno la... now i changed after today... totally dun wan revenge liao... c them maybe will go say hi, then just like normal hi bye friend loh... muahaha... free come out la kopi la... but i dun think they will wan ba... cos they think i fucker... nvm, it's fine de... but dun hold ur hatred too long orh... no good de.... muahaha... influence by feby liao... haiz... bao bei!!! i wan hug hug!!!
Keke joking onli... we just friends orh... for now la... muahaha... but for now, i will have to climb up... real high... to protect... everyone ard me... jer n ting already into a very jia lat stage liao.... i still haven't totally give u up, jer... one more time u hit my weak point then i will be sorried... eh, other way round... haha... i c so many thing out of my control... stress also no use... onli my heart i can control... so now... everyday still go work hard... get money liao buy psp n hp for ting.... nbcb, i say wanted to change my phone to m600 but still have to pay another 200+... wtf... then change for wat... but i really like the white one leh... erm... later la... dun spend so much... still got lots of debts... erm... cannot... buy psp for ting first... later then buy hp... hehe... wa... got alot of things to do ah... a battle form in front of me... have to fight tactically... i'm good at tt...
Shi man!!! u how le, finally i out of the stupid shit le... erm... c when free come talk cock ba... with zhe also...
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Time really flies,2 months le ba... nvr felt tt time move so fast... time for use everyday seems so little now... of cos... working like crazy... most of my time r at work....earning tons of money... ya right... just peanuts compare to wat i wan... slowly la... monday n tuesday already 150... by end of the week if nothing much changes in my schedule, think i can get 450... if i arrange my schedule like this week, i will get 1800 per month... more than wat a captain get... but... will my schedule be like this? a company would rather hire a full time then a part time i think... i try hard... think not hard enough... hope tt my boss will felt tt i'm in use, so he will use me more... i dun mind the tireness... i just wanna get the money... i just wanna achieve my onli aim now... hatred...
Ya, finally seems to cut off liao... the bond with her... just becos of some argument... it's about appreciation... i was tired, n i felt tt she dun appreciate my presence... dunno y, maybe she too guai lan ba... but i dun care le... seriously, i'm kinda sad... but suan le... she say she will always be there for me... but dun think i worth it... put it this way... just take it as i'm someone tt lost my soul n became a demon or watever... the pain is still in me... make me changed... i didn't change for tt 2 person, i change for myself... a very naive n childish thinking, tt makes me come out with tt stupid aim... i dun mind... after i achieve tt aim, if i die i also dun mind le... think already somehow give up hope le... ya i should give up all hope ba... cos i should be dead tt time, but i didn't, cos i have to do something like tt...how high can i climb? definately higher than them, definately higher than anyone else... to do wat? do something tt is very childish... after i suceed? dunno wat i have to do liao... maybe just help out others loh... shi man, dun care about me too much la... wat's in my heart no longer ur concern liao... u should concern him more... money wise i can give how much i will give, no need return... just take it as to repay u for staying by my side for so long... this kindness is priceless... i onli got money tt i can pay u... n the kindness for zhe to make u happy n intro u to me... as long u trust urself, i will still take u as a bro... ting, watever the problem is, i will also be there for u, same like shi man... just trust urself, tt u won't do anything tt betrays urself... but everything is still ur choice la...
Ever told myself... there is 3 lady tt i won't be with, esther, shi man, n eve.... n onli one lady i won't love, it's eve... whole world left with me n her also won't happen anything... reason's tt simple... i went to her n yr's friendster just now... heart is still pounding... i hate tt feeling, when i outside, i also have tt feeling last time, scare c them... but now i start to like tt feeling... ya i admit i scare to c any funny photos of them... scare i will break the monitor... but like the feeling... conclusion, i love hating them all my life...
Haiz... i know clearly... all the memories with them r in me... deep in me, i try to forget with a stick wacking my head, no use... i try to forget by working, no use... i try to let myself follow my lust... even worst... i try to let myself fall in love with others, seems to forget for quite awhile, but when i realise, i couldn't love anyone... all r just crushes, becos of their looks n actions... i basically dun really understand them... can't love them at all... just crushes, when i look back, all the memories flow back in... i really wish tt the angel comes in, but... i know myself la, the angel will nvr come in... just fucking hell cut of tt hope...
" Hope ends when u stop believing and Life ends when u stop dreaming "
I dun believe anymore... but i still have tt final dream... i will achieve tt dream within 10 years... definately... no matter tt time situation is how... unless i'm dead...
Shi man, i know u appreciate la... but nvm le... i dun really care whether u appreciate anot... i trust tt u appreciate me accidentally... tt's y i doubt... n i know u will be angry ba... sorry la, i shouldn't trust... i trust becos u r too good to me... now i learn my lesson le... but of cos i will definately appreciate u... for letting me trust u for tt last time... letting me c tt hope for the last time... love u guys... remember, i will always still be there for u guys... but this time, i maybe different...
Recently talk to one of my captain... i try my best to understand them more, so i can work with them even better... i know one thing, there is 3 type of work... one is becos ppl like the money, second is becos ppl like the job, third is just becos ppl like the environment there... till now i nvr c a place tt can fulfill all 3, cos pay is always getting higher everywhere... this place give 1.3, tt place give 1.5, another place give 1.7... one thing is wat's ur post la... but becos of country, there is always higher pay after time... when ur exp increase the pay u crave for will also be higher... it's normal, tt's y i choose not to work in the end... haha tt one another story leh... most important thing i wanna say is, becos of relationship, n job scope, ppl stay at a lower pay job... job scope is like, ppl won't like to do sai gang... but this kind of sai gang sure must have ppl do one... tt's y ppl study so much... the higher u study, the lesser sai gang u will touch... but all these r jobs... ppl have to do them... u study alot, but if one day u get condem? can u handle tt sai gang properly? n perform while others still curse n swear about wat they doing... i know very clearly, there is up n down in life... so in the end, job scope to me is, i'm a server, waiter, i dun have to wash the car for my guest, babysit my guest's baby for the whole day, or be a fat women's boy for a week... all this r totally out... but i can with stand job's like even going into the kitchen to cook when the chef go toilet...(haha tt's my profession) so basically anything tt to do with f n b i can handle... i even once do room service out of initiative in order to provide service excellence although as a part time i totally dun have to... last is environment... which is the key point i was thinking... ppl there is like how? dun talk, u do urs i do mine, i c ur job not done i fuck care... all this r the environment... but g/h last time have a very good environment, tt produce good team work... i remember, or issit wrong? dunno la, just felt abit like family loh... but now, dun realli sence it ba... but some how have leh... now think carefully, have... a very close family... they r so loving... but seems like all part timers r out of the circle, not like last time liao... got abit feeling like wan to go in their circle... but... forget it, count me out... i considered cheryl's, my manager, offer, she offer me to be full time... half a year later promote captain... without any education leh... wtf... the first thing i think, wat do u have for me to learn if i join full time? second, which i think now, i'm not interested in grouping up with u all... not about being a family anymore... if i do, i will be like staying there for dunno how long liao... time's precious... n maybe, tt pain will come again... forget it... of cos i'm still very close with my collogue... like close friends... talk cock sing song... cos i believe, with this environment, it will be better for me to work n perform... if i can perform well, i can protect my stand as regular part timer... if i can perform well with long period of working time, vincent will feel more safe to put me long hours... everything is link... so g/h, just tolerate my craps, n be happy with work n push up the standard of g/h...
Ya actually i wanted to talk about the captain tt i interact with... feby, sounds like ebi... one of the beautiful one la, look abit fierce onli... but actually ok one... seriously speaking, she is one of the staff tt i flirt the most... haha i call emily mummy, call samanda oh neh chan,call yoke yee xiao lao po, call li peng, peng jie, call yogie boss... but i call her bao bei... haha wat i once use to call eve... haha n she still like very happy... hehe, heard b4 someone say she very despo wor... dunno la... just flirt ard la... just few hours interaction she can have pretty close contact with me liao... haiz, i dun mind as long she dun mind... keke... go home tt time already anyhow think liao... somemore got her number n friendster... erm... how ah? dun worry, nothing will happen de... although she 3 years older than me, which i totally dun mind, but i have my own plan ahead la... dunno la, c how... i still can carry on with my plans even if anything happens...
Hehe, y i squeese so many think in one entry ah? a favour from u guys, anybody who can read till the end pls tag my tag board... thx... i wonder anybody read anot...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
I'm working like shit recently man... how's my schduele like... last last week, monday,wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, all morning... 730 to 1600... $51 per day... damn xiong... still ok la... haha then this monday or when lost my wallet... ccb $230++ inside... nearly gone crazy... then straight away msg my supervisor, vincent tan, tell him i going to change my schedule next week... monday to saturday, all double shift... means 16.5 hour everyday... then go home take a nap, waiting for police to call me... eh, realli call... chiong down to the npp, take back my wallet... expect all money lost... but funny is onli lost 10 bucks...-_-" wtf... the police say is a ah neh pick up one... esther tell me, maybe the ah neh onli recognise the 10 dollar note... wtf... impossible la... haiz... nvm la... at least get back... so i decided not to bring wallet from now on... so i won't lost my wallet... wahaha...
this week schedule, monday to wednesday morning... friday morning, saturday double... come back home nearly concast... didn't expect dinner to be so difficult... it's dunno how many times from breakfast plus lunch loh... 2 year ago got so tough meh? haha btw, tt 4 guys tt playing music is still playing now... the best thing is i think the music r the same... for the 2 years every night play same song... i c the gal playing the piano is almost falling a sleep, where she still can play so fast without mistake... haha power... haiz next week best... mon, wed, sat double, tue, thur, fri morning... totally no life... tiring... but alot of money... promise myself, won't put aeroplane unless hospitalise or anything emergency...
Haiz, memories coming back everyday... torturing me, there's no way to smoothen it, onli when working... making use of this chance, pressuring myself more... i can take even more stress... my arms r already aching like hell now while i'm just pressing keyboard... shoulder so hard... noone will massage for me like last time... but doesn't matter... this is realli the starting... to my point of success i still have to receive a thousand or million times of pressure compare to now... i will definately not give up...
I wanted to cut those bonds, but i'm still contacting them... looking at gals, solving problems tt is totally none of my business... giving myself a excuse, just wan them to be happy... just to make myself happier... but i'm still craving for someone... noone i can trust but y am i craving? i analyse my own feelings again, i wan to believe in someone... beliving someone without logical intact is making urself a idiot... stupid... believe in love? something tt u can't c can't feel in physical sence... ppl r just believeing in lust... but i crave for someone tt belive fully in love, in me, i know myself truly, i will not betrays, tt's y i can believe myself... i hope she will also have the same thinking... letting me to believe in her... trust her... this is faith i guess... if i trusted her, tt means she will be not like eve,she will definately give me sence of security... she will not easily give me the thinking of wat's she's doing outside now... n when she has my trust, n if she betrays me, the wrath in me will definately be much more than wat i have now... dunno la...
So the conclusion is, i wanna be alone, n achive my chaotic aim... haha at least i got a aim now, so dun bother wat issit... something bad tt's all... but another side of me, hope i can give up my aim, n be with someone i realli love someone tt i realli worth trusting... n be with my friends, love them... but, i know... love itself, it's quite easy to find in the society now... but to my standard, it's impossible for me to go hunt... so i must well go straight to my point... dun care, c fate... if there's really someone tt suits me, then say ba... i confirm wan the person to love me like hell... tt's y now i always flirt ard... to know new friends n also to maintain tt little hope in me...
I'm just like being cursed like tt... noone can break tt curse, not even myself... perhaps onli a angel can do so... keke... stupid... there's alot of things in me i wan to say out... but noone to speak to... i dun wan to put weight on others... i tried telling shi man, but whenever i talk i felt tt she dun realli bothered... it's fine la... my own problems... dun get bothered by it... wanted to talk to esther, but think she's too stress to take anymore stress... other then tt i dun feel like placing my problems anywhere... as wat marcus say, dun make ur problem into my problem... i won't mind taking this but, i mind giving others...
Haiz, hand going to cramp liao... told my 2 baby, i going to bath them, from monday say untill now, still haven't bath... now hand cramp dunno how also... should be ok la... rest awhile more, tonight can bath them liao... tml double... dun bother... the stress even bigger than the sky i also can with stand... definately... first of all my body... take good care first, then others shouldn't be a problem... body has limit, brain dun have... so must take care body... haha... human r all cursed... hate it... n love it too... this curse, ppl name it "desire"... a.k.a "sub-concious mind"... cya next chapter bloggy!!!
These few days, i wonder how's heaven's like... a place with tt we have no bodies, no lust, greed, hunger, and wrath tt is deep in us... i wonder how would it be with onli love ones... we enjoy wat we have tt is given by the leader, our father, we r grateful n didn't expect more... we r just satisfied... tml is not important, date, time, place does not concern with us... wat others says is not important to us, how bad n cruel others could say, cos none of them r true... i can't hurt others, others can't harm us... we dun have a body, but we hug together loving each other... tt's realli heaven, nothing really bother us, n i know u won't n u dun have to betrays me... we r faithful, to friends, family, our memories... tt's heaven...
Ya, i'm so tired these few days... lonely, fake, tortured... so when i have the time to rest n hug my boster, i wish, i could go heaven... this is the heaven i crave for... but suddenly i understand something, y, if there is, god wan to create earth... becos heaven's so boring... ya, i'm tired, if i go heaven it will be realli good... but how long can i be there? maybe a hundred years... but i will realli get bored one day, cos nothing challenges, nothing is fun... so god created earth, us, with time limit... with death, human will have the great challenge... cos nobody knows wat's beyond death... n created lust, hatred, hunger, greed, selfishness, wrath in every single person in these world to make them equal... of cos on the other side, love, peace, care, sympathy, trust r created to balance everything... lots more... time, sun, moon, stars, music, wind, fire, water, n alot alot more... maybe he really spend 7 days to create all these... so making life much more interesting to all of us... it's us tt make our life so down... the morale of creating these earth, i guess is, he wan us to create a heaven in earth... with all these things, with time limit... perhaps it really work out at first... but now? disappointing ah? becos of these negative in me, i also fallen into hell... a place where god created in our brain... a place where noone wanna go, but just becos of these negatives, we still will be in there, or we make other ppl in there... haha these is the analysation by me after so long of self religious study mix with reality study... my blog ma, i wanna write wat also can... if wat i write is true, before my death, i realli wish to create a heaven in my life, n ppl tt surrounds me... but first, i will create hell first...
Wohoo... chapter 7, reminds me of my favourite band's, L'Arc~en~Ciel, new album, 7th heaven... 30th may launch orh... dunno is in japan or singapore... haha dunno la... free go heeren c have anot loh...
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Today went to work again... late...although shiman got give me morning call... call ritz, to tell them i will be late for 5 mins... but sway sway samantha pick up the phone... fuck up... i scared her the most... haiz... still not feeling very well... n alot of things still going in my mind... elly talked to me... about my job... ask me whether i wanna find full time job... erm... of cos... but not service side, n i dun think i wanna stay at ritz... cos too much ppl le ba, she also agreed, so she say she try helping me loh... haiz, thanx alot, but i will miss her de... y she treat me so good? friend? dun treat me too good, i very easy fall in love now... haiz...
Today q______ got work, the gal i wrote last time, saying i got a little interest one... keep on looking at her... n she also like smiling at me... fuck up... i'm working leh... my heart is shaking the whole day... i'm always cheerful at work, cos i dun wan to work showing ppl a stupid face... for work... getting more n more committed to work... although just a part time... i have to commit more, not to the extend of selling my soul, but like working for my own company... i'm must try hard, i must over pass him...
U know after tt incident, i'm thinking back everyday... thinking back wat i did wrong, wat they did wrong, wat can i change... found alot of question, alot of answer, glad to say tt all my mistake, i can find the answer, n find a way to change.. so wat? it's not time... i'm still in so many debts, how can i start a new relationship? not onli tt, friends also... all these bonds will onli create the weakness in me... I HAVE TO CUT ALL THESE BONDS...
Got one question, how can i ever trust anyone? a friend i know for 4 years, i really admire him like my big brother, did this to me, just becos i suspected him... he can prove me wrong, explain to me, point out my mistakes, shouldn't all this a friend should help? i may be angry for awhile becos of my ego, sometime later i will notice n change... but y he didn't? he just say those things to her behind me,to make me look even worst in front of her... if i'm a fucker, then wat is he?
A gal tt been with me for 1 year 2 months plus, staying with her for most of the time, sharing happy n sad memories, just like a wife to me, leave me n go with him on another day... no matter wat i do, go down on my knees,n just want her to come back giving me another chance, but she dun even bother... trying so hard after tt to just wan her to come back, but all my effort is wasted... maybe not, at least i know, i ever love her tt much... n i dun think she will believe... n dun even care...
Tt is the closest bond i ever had in the past... thinking back, it's really one of the happiest time in my life... n becos of these bonds, i became so weak...
Working, sleeping, eating, bathing, shiting, now, i craved for another bond like tt, with someone tt worth it, worth my trust, craving for the happiness, but in reality, who can i trust? n i think most probably not much ppl trust me after they said those things behind me... fine, i dun need anybody to trust me, n i dun have to trust anyone...
Shi man, sorry, the bond with u is happy, i love being with u, but there is another bond tt is more important to u now, i dun wan to put it at risk, since u guys get together with him putting in so much hope, n u already put hope in, i hereby wish u guys all the best... this doesn't mean i will disappear, just tt i won't be out there with u all too often...just give me a call when u all need help... i will definately help if i can...:) Cya!!
Monday, May 7, 2007
Wa today go ritz carlton work... fucking the xiong loh... actually still ok de... cos got strong support... then suddenly tt support, mrs chew :) go help out other ppl, then i one person run the whole left floor... pour coffee plus clear plates... totally dun have time to stop walking loh... somemore this morning temperature still 37.9... jia lat... the bi ti like wanna splash on the guest liao... very xin ku... haiz... then i think of tt thing again... haha i think today all the way half of my mind thinking of tt... cos really very xin ku... head move abit faster like going to faint like tt, fucking high... lucky lunch very quiet... hehe... cheryl give training... ha, her training always so long n detail de... good, got coffee drink then no need to work... then she ask my situation now how... finding full time ma, so she say y not work ritz carlton kitchen... erm... i also got think b4 la, but dunno got vacancy anot... then she say this is not a problem... hehe think she will help ba, i'm one of those trained by her de, think she will say good words ba... ohohoho...
Today just reach there tt time i look at the schedule, still early ma... then suddenly someone touch me from behind... woa... pretty woman... elly... know her last time... tot she part time onli, then know tt she got scholarship from ritz carlton to let her go australia, i think, study, degree i think, dunno la... 3 months ago i go interview saw her as a captain, now wear black shirt.... er, become hostress? haha no, superviser... damn fast... haha good loh... cos i c her tt time i stunned diao... then she ask me," wa wat's wrong? dun remember me ah? or i look older le?" haha i say no la... then smile smile move off... in my heart was thinking, not older la, look shorter le leh, hehe, n prettier le... keke but dun think i have chance ba, although she quite a good gal... too bad... her presence can't sooths the heart ache...
Take bus home after tt... having fever, c light ma chiam will die like tt... can totally feel the pain cutting my skin... going to become vampire liao... haiz... i will miss my beloved garlic de... haha... on bus tt time listen song... think of tt thing again... abit can't control... if i relax onli i may faint... very pain in my heart... then suddenly hp got msg, shi man msg, then tot of tt photo i had... then take a look loh... hehe not pain le... funny y leh... i dun even really understand her... somemore i think she won't like me ba... but c le not pain leh... haiz... long time no this feeling le... i know it's almost impossible with her ba, but i will just keep this feeling first ba... this feeling call "an lian", "Dark Love"...
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Erm after so long i finally came up with a actual plan of wat i'm going to do... first, work part time first... save up some money... things have to settle, sterillise for ebi, 2nd vacine for bengo, pay my stupid voda phone bill... buy tt thing from shi man, then if got more try to help out zhe with his bill... then still got dog food... very chor, they eat more n more... shit also more n more... everyday morning go clear, at night come back go clear... last for 1 month like tt i sick liao... temperature reach 39... haiz... almost all my friend ask y i still wanna own them, just becos they r lives n i still got love n memories with them... eh these memories is very usefull orh... last thurs go back ritz carlton green house work... fucking tough, i 1 n a 1/2 year nvr go back work liao they take me like 1 n a half week nvr work like tt... forcing me to do things ma chiam i all can remember, ma chiam nothing change there like tt... after tt i fall sick liao... super xin ku, but when i think back of tt incident, compare, this shit is nothing loh... when i sick i also think the same thing... then not xin ku le... i know... nothing in my life will be as xin ku as tt incident liao... thanx, becos of tt heart pain, i can do anything... thanx for ur betray...
Haiz... naturally i will definately feel lonely, not used to it... everytime go disturb shi man n zhe also cannot de la... my neighbourhood alot ppl also tot tt shi man is my gf... haiz... have to disappear liao... but how leh?onli got 2 ways, one is i say i busy with work then slowly disappear, so zhe won't anyhow think, but shi man will be lonely wor... think no need worry for tt... she sure go watch tv if noone accompany her... second way is i got a new gf, then zhe also won't think much, cos i wanna accompany her so will not meet shi man too much... even meet liao with a gf around zhe n other ppl will not misunderstand ba... haiz... just to say tt i dun fully understand zhe, cos he very clever... n also, alot of ppl can't understand me, even i tell them wat i'm thinking they also won't believe, n sure think negative of me... cos maybe i also have the clever n wicked look ba... haiz... must be more tranquil liao, so ppl won't scare me, n understand me more... so will have lesser ppl think i'm a FUCKER...
Hehe, talking about finding a new gf... hehe not so soon ba, cos need more time to understand others... so far got 4 i'm a bit interested de... interested in their appearance n characteristic... first is tt gal i saw in g_______ de... the guai guai gal, she also seems to wanna tok with me like tt... hehe but feeling abit funny, c how first ba... another is louisa, dunno y suddenly have feelings for her... but she very dao loh... msg dun reply... twice somemore... haiz... nvm la... forget it... dun even have the chance to understand more... third is zhe's sis... hehe... dunno leh... got some funny feelings for her... but this one even worst... dun even have the chance to talk to her... extreme dao... forget it... the last one... hehe... shhhh... cannot say out... but think like her the most... cos can talk cock alot... but her hidden character i have to c clearly first... n plus our habit quite opposite la... she tt kind like sun de... i'm tt kind like moon de... i'm tt kind eat medium rare de, she's tt kind eat well done de... i'm tt kind love coffee de, she's tt kind hate coffee de... haiz... dunno la... maybe really cannot click la... but at least can be friend ma... she also inspired me in some ways ba...at least i can c my plans clearly... ya hor, say so much haven't say my plans... save up to 1000 to 1500, then go reservise on 11 june, then come out at 15 june, then send resume to alot of hotels, clubs and restaurant... position aiming, cook 1 or lead cook... if cannot then cook 2 loh... haiz... hope my plans can go smooth... no matter how xin ku now i can go through easily, cos nothing is as pain as tt...
