Friday, August 31, 2007
Been awhile haven't update my blog...got lots of things happened,but just dun have to mood to say... yesterday have so confirm wat i wan...before tt half of my mind already planned wat should i do to overcome all the problems already...it's in my blood la... before i solve the problem in front i already solve wat's behind it...as far as i could...becos of this silly gal i finally decided wat to do...
Sleep untill 5 today...sleep for 14 hours...my body getting as lousy as my hp batt...easily low batt leh... eat mac again... then walk around...n around....till i reach cold storage...looking at all the ingredients i start to think of new dishes...the combination of suitable ingredients...maybe i learn things in my so many work place so far,i also think of combinations of different drinks tt suit the food...i didn't force myself to think,naturally...haiz...a habit..in the end,bought a bottle of cabernet sauvignon 2004,a water goblet which i felt tt look like wine glass, n a piece of rib eye...taste abit mild,doneness a bit bit off...but still taste good...cos i got put black pepper to enhance the sauce,so the taste didn't cover by the wine...3min finish eating...felt tt not worth the hard work loh...eat alone is like tt one...haiz...
Went back room,look at my old blog...saded again...yeah,after tml la...no need think so much...remembered something she said last time...at the bridge when we started not long...yeah,i win...i'm sure i love u more than u love me...stupid ass...nothing matters anymore now...i choose not to be sad...found the answer 2 years ago about this...if u choose not to be sad,means u won't be happy also...it's like tt one...i felt tt it's scary last time,but i dun feel it now... i felt tt it's important for survival... at least for me...
After tml...everything will end...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
This is the 42nd hour tt i was awake...didn't sleep for so long...not much,but think i'm getting weaker...normally i won't be this tired n c illusion once i lose focus at this time...realli old liao...haiz...today was working long hours again...i dunno...we r from different world...maybe we can't even start...i dunno...so wat am i still thinking?wat should end just let it end...nothing to feel wasted or regret...i learned how to accept n let go,but it's hard to master it...good bye...(it's hard to understand wat i write above...i'm losing my focus already)wat ever it mean,i just wanna say,"u r special to me,i wanna protect...but i'm not ur chosen one..."
Chapter LXXIX: I lose to my fate
Sunday, August 26, 2007
6 more days to go...i was working today...making stupid cock mistakes in the morning...n i didn't even read the board...fuck up...was so bothered by my blurness,dun even have the mood to eat much...ordered cheese sticks,azrol treat again...haha damn paiseh...not even finish half or the plate...i like onli took 3 pieces loh...in the end damn hungry...haiz...when i start to join the sotong gang ah?fuck la...then after break,was taking some table...tried my best to give excellent cum super fast service,at the same time helping others...sound like me right?ppl who know me well should know...once i fall,the next time i wan is not to climb up...n is to fly...my character always like tt one...lucky,i'm still capable this time...everything swee swee...at my work place there's somethings call perfect table...differs when the guest is doing different thing...when eating,there is a setting,when onli drinking there is another settings...but normally ppl can't make it perfect,n also can't maintain it...either lazy,or becos too busy...but mean while i did it...
After tt i found tt i was in 7000s...hoho another area yet to unlock...but now i'm there...hoho dunno y also...anyway just for awhile...everything very stable...short n sweet i settle my table into perfect...n....the whole sky darken by storm clouds...fuck la...have to speed to clear all the table...i'm running all the way carrying the heavy tables n chairs...damn tired...in the end,no rain....fuck...found tt all the way i was working with this gal...someone's ex gf...a few days ago just broke up...very happy working with her...she's so free nothing to do tt can help out others loh...then when i c she busy then i help her loh...at the same time try to help others also...suddenly felt tt,someone is staring at me...fuck, is her ex bf...yaya i was joking with her n flirting around...i'm like tt wat...ya,she's pretty,attractive,so?n in fact she attracts me,so?my thinking is onli wanna get closer to ppl around...then when take 5,danny come n tell me...asking me am i interested in her...fuck la...so wat if i'm interested in her?they already broke off wat...eh.....this reminds me of my past...fuck...ya...i know it...even if i'm damn interested in her so?i won't do anything to her,i will onli treat her as friend...just some closer friend in my work place tt's all...so wat the fuck now?even when she's with u,i also can be her friend wat...fuck la...think i too close already...even herself also felt it...anyway,dun give a damn...ask her for supper she also not interested...in the end go eat with another group of friends i saw outside who was waiting for someone...the someone is her la...yaya in the end have supper with her...think she also think her mind out...yaya,i also fuck care...i still can feel the aura of rejection from her loh...i very sensitive to gals one...anyway...haiz...
6 more days to go...i still can change my mind i tot...but...is there a point?like wat i told danny...my motive is work,my decision has made...thinking for so long...i onli need to concentrate on work tt's all...relationships,feelings,r things tt gonna distrupt me...had enough of this kind of distruption...i can't stuck in the middle...i should go either way...love is something tt u can wish,imagine,but nvr crave for it...this kind of things r natural,no matter how u imagine,things normally won't turn out the way u imagine...money,career r things u can crave for n imagine,but u can't onli imagine,u must do it,with plans ahead...love is something u can't realli work hard for...u commit,u care,u accept,all out of nature...if u feel tired,unfair,or even rejection in ur commitment,it's wise to stop it...either u dun love tt person or u love urself selfishly too much...money, u realli can work hard for it...like wat i say,work hard,accurate,n organise ur plans well to strive in the fastest manner...tt's the difference to me...so since in career wise i can work hard...then i realli should...in the same time,i can let this kind of things distrupt my time,energy,n attention...sheena told me b4...i can't be perfect in this 2 areas...as in noone can...i often dun believe this fact,n wanna prove it wrong...but after going round n round so many times,i admit...not say i can't,not say i lose to this challenge...it's i lose to my fate...
Chapter LXXVIII: I want new PHONE!!!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Ah!!!! been waited for so fucking long!!! from dunno how many donkey years say wanna change hp,till now still haven't...ya bought the samsung from bro,but tt is a fucking lousy phone...i condemn samsung phones loh!!! i tot of changing to SE M601 tt time after c sgt M use... then after tt wanna change LG shine cos ting wanna buy...then tot of nokia n95 or n93...after c jin wei use....but now hor...hehehehe...got new target...nokia n800...hoho nvr hear b4 ba...it's a very stylo phone loh...always wanna change to a pda phone but nvr find a suitable one...but think this is not bad...check b4 liao...got 2 card slot loh....horrible...abit big la...but still acceptable...erm...dunno leh...abit confused...but sure super ex loh....... new phone where got cheap one...erm....save up...
Just got my pay...not much...around 700+ i guess...erm....still ok ba...plus my tips so far...hoho...erm...next month gonna have another one...think will be onli 500+ after minus cpf...sad...part time still got cpf...but my pay is shooting to 1700+if nvr minus cpf loh....i wanna shoot higher...2k 2k....hehe...so at least after my cpf i still got 1600+....plus tips?wahahaha...reaching my target nearer n nearer...hope i can still survive there...i will still try my best...till they recognise...i dun mind putting in more hard work...
Today off...same old shit...wake up pretty late...then wash clothes,then suddenly hor,feel like eating pizza loh...then i think,pay just come out,ok la...go eat loh....but when i reach ps,i saw macdonald n mac cafe...erm....change...eat mac better...n cheaper too...haha...dunno y leh...twice liao...tt day also wanna eat sushi,then change to eat mac...erm,they look attractive hor...hoho...still feel like eating now...then on the way go buy comic...2,kindaichi!!! the last episode already out long time ago,even the next comic by the same author also out liao,but now come out another episode tt continues the last episode of kindaichi...it's about his favourite enemy again.."hell puppetire"...but i think this episode the most handsome one is the police...ming zi...wahaha...he abit lame shit la,but he still pretty good...but i felt tt this 2 episode abit different from last time...very tu leh...i start from 4 pm then finish at 10 pm loh...super long...alot of things to say...felt like not important one...feel like skipping,but this kind of book cannot skip leh,cos sure got something important tt can solve the case...but anyway,realli nice...n all the murderer n their tactic i all solve,without playing cheat...haha...amazing story...but in the end the writer still miss out something n also got something not very logical inside tt make the ending pretty impossible one...aiya anyway,just a comic...not like i'm gonna be a detective or a murderer...hehe maybe ye suo bu ding...hohoho...
Chapter LXXVII: 虚 --- HOLLOW
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Ha,today first time work closing...blur blur dunno wat to do...ppl also dun believe i first time do closing...runner all the way also...haiz...think i kanna condemn liao la...fuck it...just continue with my best,untill cannot continue...
These few days,was thinking...about the past again...realli loh,she leave a hole in my heart...those happy time,those tough time,those sad time...feel so hollow now...almost half a year liao...still so hollow...not abit lesser...now hear her voice...the feeling is like,pissed loh...dunno y...she's already like this...perhaps realli need to be like wat she say...just be strangers...was thinking how much i love her tt time...tt's y when she leave me with tt kind of ending,i hate her so much...ya,if i dun care n wish her happy,i will not hate her...but which one is love?i put in so much commitment n kanna betrayed i will be filled with wrath...if i just wan tt person to be happy,n kan kai,i won't be so angry...which one is love?i dunno...there r so many ppl around me, no matter guy or gal,i just hope they r happy,n do things tt will make them happy...is this call love?i always wanna do more things for a gal,do alot of happy things with tt gal,n of cos hope tt she could do some things in return to make me happy,or even just appreciate wat i had done for her is good enough...wat i wan in return is just a simple hug...someone to realli love me when i sleep n get prepare for tml tough work...if it's realli like this,no matter tml how tough,i dun even feel a pinch...
All the while so tired,not becos i not enough sleep...just tt i'm so alone now,tt i feel so tired...no need everyday stay with me,once in a week or even once in a month...enough,just hope tt i could hug her when i sleep...i know,there r so many ppl around me tt i can try to get close,try to start a spark...but scare when i start,everything is not as i expect...everything maybe another lie...everything,i maybe bluffing myself again...i'm scared to be disappointed again...scare to get hurt again...
The hole in my heart is making me crazy...i can be very nice,very calm,very loving...but becos of tt hole,i can be realli crazy...just like...when something is created...but it's not like wat u expect...disappointing u...u will just wanna destroy it...goes crazy,anything around me will be destroy...i will hate everything...i dunno...now stuck in between...but i still knows...there's a route in front...i must carry on...told myself,after tt day,everything will be as normal...as one year plus ago like tt...
Chapter LXXVI: I'm not ready to lose
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Ya, where i go yesterday? i nvr online...haha KTV!!!After almost half a year i finally go KTV liao...so happy...with phoebe racheal n terence...wahaha...but found tt my skill drop like shit... voice cannot pull high n loud...so sad...nvm...haha...practice loh...
Actually yesterday i 11-5 de... then 2 ppl mc...yvonne ask me wanna extend anot...then i think if i extend more money leh..y not...anyway racheal also 10 then finish...ok loh...correct choice....yesterday my tip almost 60 i guess...work smoking point ma... hoho... after tt go eat swenson then go ktv party world... haha spend all my tips...so basically like no tips...haha then after tt reach home 5 am...sleep till 9.30 go work again...sad...god damn tired...milky also mc today,then i scare will have problem,so i start work early...in the end c alot of ppl appear...chey...i dun start early also no problem la...anyway today also got 40 bucks tips i guess...hoho...
Morning alfresco,after break i request from simon tt i wanna work bar leh...then he think think think...then he let me take tap n trophy...hoho new location unlocked...hoho now i felt tt like play game loh...have to pass different level,then have to face different boss...then will unlock different location on the map...hoho...now left with 3 place haven't unlock...one is bar,annex n greeter... alfresco also haven't fully unlock yet...erm...work hard...if this is a game, i definately not ready to lose...
This morning...damn difficult to get out of bed...haiz...then eve called...told me i still owe her 400...is 600 loh...i know how much one...haiz...her memory y still so jia lat...hope she will get better...today think about it....know y she say i treat her like tt liao...know y she acuse me liao...know y she hate me liao...most likely is becos i acuse her tt time...i didn't...but she felt so ba...seriously,i just suspect...there is no exact prove i will not acuse her de...n even there is,if she say no,i think i will also believe her...y didn't u just tell me tt u didn't?y didn't just tell me wat u wan?y didn't u just scold me?if u say there's still hope,n u wanna scold me or even beat me i will not be like this...i guess,this is wat i think tt time...was thinking,y gals always tolerate guys...today eat supper at my work place,cos got new beer come out...eee...not my type...beside me,there is a couple...the guy take drugs, the guy always go outside n find other gals...n also go find prostitute...nowadays guys like tt one ma...i won't follow the crowd of cos,but the problem is,now the gal is confronting her bf...n the bf still didn't even give her an answer whether she realli got do, or realli sorried about wat he does...i turn n c the guy....knnbccb....wat is tt fuck face sia...can c,he's not rich,a typical chow ah beng in 70's...nvr groom at all...n damn ugly...the gal is around 28 to 30 la...the guy also...but the gal look ok for her age...average or slightly above average ba...but y?y the gal have to cry to this extend?fuck up u know?am i really worst than tt guy?if u say jer,maybe he is much better than me in some ways la...but this guy?dun look educated,not rich,dun even groom...say he go jail b4 also not surprising...take drugs...n tt cock face...the most important...he dun even give a damn to the gal when she's crying...she stretch out for his hand,n tt guy is like normal expression...didn't even get a tissue or ask for napkin or wat...fuck...i'm worst than tt fucker...i so fuck up tt my gal didn't even give me tt little chance when i'm on my kneel!?!?the matter between me n her had already past,but wat i still thinking is myself...whether i'm tt fuck up...alot of the ppl tt know me always say,i sure got gf...no matter guy or gal will say so...i say i dun have like noone believe like tt...think i joking...tt means my appearance wise should be pretty good,n the way i tok etc...but wat makes me worst than tt guy?dunno...n start not to be bothered liao...fuck it...i just...seriously,my life already been in this situation,i just need to accomplish wat i wan n tt's it...no more troubles...
Sunday, August 19, 2007
There is so much things in life...no matter which path u choose, will nvr be easy... she nvr tot she will choose this path...maybe she misses the place n ppl there tt's y...she tot she's crazy...but tt was onli a different path for gals with her appearance...silly gal...
She choose the path i was last time...tt stupid career...when i gave up is damn painful...now she feel so painful to carry on...think wat she feels now is more than i feel last time ba...but tt time i'm just a kid...she carry on for 2 weeks liao...i realli can't help her much... but just comfort her,with wat i know...another silly gal...even i were u won't give up for sure...erm sorry,silly women...
My L.I coming back liao...i deserve it...dun give a damn...i will also not give up...give up is easy,although painful....but carry on is more tough,but the fruit is definately nice...maybe i will die tml,n i won't be able to taste the fruit...but i know,i already try my best till my last breath...i won't regret...hope u all too...silly gals...
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Know u care for me la...thanx so much... i will not anyhow think de...just hope u also will be happy when caring for me... maybe u will regret in the future,but at least now,hope u happy...Silly gal...
Chapter LXXIII: Wat can i do?
Friday, August 17, 2007
Remember these few days didn't update blog...dunno y...haiz...nothing great,wednesday served a queen,but no tips...nb...n in the end found tt i didn't get a single tip...nvm....then thursday was damn tired again...toking to candy,then go take 5 come back become very sick...nearly faint...the best thing is kanna slam like hell...3 runner cum 1 statue...haiz...i first time as runner n i'm running...wtf...end of work,joey treat me 2 bottle beer...thanx...n today off...12 plus,bro call me,tell me wow things...n hint me to play wow with him...dun siao la...i where got the time to play...n i dun wanna waste money loh...then 3 plus bernard call me,say ashley's dad past away,ask me wanna go anot...then i say dun wan,something on...haiz...i not close with her wat,plus,i'm so sick now loh...just went to united square eat mac,then read comic...now on computer also dunno wat to do...nvr c candy,nvr c han or huey online...so sian....y everytime i off day so sian de ha?
Check out ns portal,c whether can book ippt anot...funny, cannot leh...need book rt first...siao la...how ah?fuck care...fine then fine loh...the deadline coming soon liao...coming closer n closer....haiz...tt day is coming...haiz...dun worry,it's just another day...a day to sleep...a day tt i won't wanna treasure la...
Just msg jin wei online also nvr reply,think playing game la...sian...feel like finding someone to chat,someone to look at...feel like hugging someone,n feel like just relaxing myself...alcohol is becoming more n more useless already...still drinking now...but won't settle anything....
Been chatting with her quite alot recently....found tt we r so alike...erm...at least,someone is like me...i can't really help her much ba...but just wish she could be happy...erm...wanna call her out leh...but dun think is possible...erm...no more hopes la...as long she's happy...Pls remember,ur smile is always as sweet as ur name...
Suddenly got illusion...think i smell something...a smell i misses...dunno wat is tt...feel like going out with someone i like for shopping leh...just walk around ba...but...haiz....
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Haha today morning late for 30 mins...siao liao...then kanna 2 pr...sianzzz...although tips alot...but once kanna pr i dun bother to count my tips liao...but more than 30 i guess...ah...yesterday didn't get drunk enough,so didn't sleep properly...golden not strong enough,so i decided to change beer...haha,moh gwai,魔鬼,demon...wat ever u wanna call it...moh gwai is a cantonese translation,dunno y scotts wanna name it in cantonese...haha bet he dunno how to speak...
Wa,魔鬼 alot of bubbles leh...golden is 4.5%,魔鬼 is 7.2%...so strong...i giddy liao...so fast...haha...today not much special...my life getting more n more systematic liao,realli not like me...today got one very important conversation,which make me stop saying anymore sweet talks to gals liao...someone told me during break...here alot of couple,alot starting not together one,but is guys la,make the first move,then they together liao...erm...nothing funny ma...then he say shun yi with erwin liao...i was like shock my shit out loh...no wonder he so happy...nvm,then jas with didit...wtf?haiz...then han,actualli someone making the move already liao,but haven't confirm...diaozzz....found tt it's like a game liao loh..there r still alot i dunno...like crossing a mine field like tt...erm...i know wat i'm tired of liao...tired of having those hopes...then best thing is dun hope loh...hoho,then won't be disappointed...treat all the same...not interested...if i interested at first but she's not interested then wat's the point?wasting my time go sweet tok,n disappointing myself...for wat...dun be silly la...i have something more worthy to concentrate on...
But life's always a mystery...dunno wat will happen tml...realli dunno...just dun be bothered about it...just concentrate on wat i wanna do...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Haha after toking to han got drunk then knock out on bed yesterday...told myself rest awhile let the alcohol set then bath n sleep...ya right...in the end my com is on all the way,lights r on all night,untill dunno wat time,got sun light tt time then i off it...erm...wake 7 plus...damn early neh,yesterday sleep 3 plus i think...funny thing is...not tired...tot of sleeping awhile more...but dun feel like it...then wake up,start doing my stuff,go eat n da bao food to work...erm....funny right?therefore,actually wanted to call someone out for supper,but noone interested...so forget it...so decided...da bao pizza home eat...simon treat neh...thanx bro,then go home bath,eat,n get drunk...hohoho...will i die like tt ah?wahaha...
Today first half outside alfresco...found tt milky key POS also damn slow...haiz...actually i familiar POS liao,just didn't force myself to key faster...erm...hehe think can key even faster...try dun use one finger next time....then second half go be runner...haiz...open check liao y need to go back...sad...cos i 10 o'clock finish ma...they dun need today...sianz...von von do runner with me...yeah...talk cock with her...anyway,she's leaving liao...wed last day...candy thurs last day...sad ah....forget it man...just talk cock loh...born curiousity makes me know more n more truth...aiya know long ago liao la...the more truth u know the more cruel everything will be...it's sad...haha...
Ever heard this song,Angel's Tale from hyde...long winded n mono tone song...good for sleeping...suddenly think of this describsion tt i found out today...angels dun exist on earth...whether there's heaven anot i dunno...but i know they onli exist in angel tales...haha noone understand wat i'm saying ba...forget it...get drunk n sleep faster ba...
Monday, August 13, 2007
Today,first quater at dinning...everything quite smooth...very happy...try to be happy la...then afternoon,the terror of my working place appear...ahjunan...black black indian monster...work with him sure know his style one...scold ppl dun give face,know when u will be blurrest,come n pressure u,make u more blur...i POS press so fast is becos when ever i use POS n he's my supervisor,sure come behind push me press faster...push untill i c the POS machine nobody use,he near i also go use another one...so scary...today got alot of problem when he comes,kanna slam,then i faster do my best to settle everything,then here he come...start fucking me liao...for 1/2 an hour fuck me everytime he c me...untill the end he dunno wat to fuck liao...haha then call me go eat...bloody ah neh...u think u got hot temper then big fuck ah?i also hot temper one ok...now i become like a kitten like tt let u fuck is becos i can't give up...not becos i scare u la,but thanx,not u i also cannot learn so fast...n thanx for recommending me to alfresco...
The rest of the day i work alfresco...n bluff 2 take 5...wahaha...work with erwin...i first time in dining also he teach me,now is him also...but he hor,today stone like hell...think got gf liao then blur blur liao la...haha...know something good happen to him n her new gf...no matter how ppl scold him he still can smile one...stupid captain...dunno who captain...basically i run the whole smoking point myself...seriously,it's xiong,but fun also...cos i got the technic of controlling the floor liao,ahjunan teach one...not a problem....still can chat with guest...understand guest back ground,n will know whether they will give tips anot...haha quite alot today la...muahaha...but here comes the problem...if the guest bill liao,then no tips how?will i still carry on pouring ice water for them,will i still tok to them?will i still clear their table n give them napkins?very good question,i definately will...this is service...they will most likely wanna come again,even for a beer...n today indeed got a guest nvr give tips but i still treat him like my guest,b4 he leave,he call me change small notes,then push me 5 bucks...c?hehe nobody say bill liao cannot give tips later wat...n alot of ppl c after service more...some angmo pay credit card...after tt when they leave they left money on the table...hehe,so after service must do well,dun care about tips...even they leave without tips,maybe next time we may meet up in a very special situation,maybe he will help u,becos of ur personality leh?u will nvr know la...but this is wat i learn la...
So far so good...tot my tips today should be highest,when i do cash out at back door,saw sharon...she say her tip 100+....nabei...her standard confirm higher than me,she last time bakerzin supervisor leh...come here be captain...she potential can go be supervisor one la...but problem is where she standing...she at tap room loh...heard is the highest tips place...especially when got soccer...today arsenal dunno versus who...not funny she get so much...she also got "20 cent tips day"b4 wat...haha...this gal ah...basically look like samantha of g/h...but she look closely look like gigi leong loh...hoho...quite chio actually...who call her to torture herself...eat so little,sleep so little...basically we sit there talk cock,feeling like brother loh...haha,we quite alike...hope we can learn from each other more...
Haiz,now drinking again...dunno this golden got problem or i got problem...got taste,but no kick....like water leh...not high...erm...golden getting too light to me liao or wat...now chatting with han...haiz...dun say liao...sick n tired of all these things...let fate decide ba...decide liao then i decide...now work it very important orh...
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Wake up pretty late today...2 plus 3...went for breakfast,then go check with sheena about the pet food,then go cut hair...all say my hair standing...very jia lat...now cut liao look so funny...haiz hack care...then go united square get something for work tml...haiz...going to start work...c?work wan off,off wan work...sian...after tt go zouk do clearance,then go yishun...actually meeting jer to past him her gf's books,but he not free...then not my business...i may not have the time other days...
Erm...all the way so alone....come home liao hope can find someone chat...bee bee like not interested in chatting with me leh...haiz...clarisse also tired go sleep liao....han not online...sianz...was thinking the whole day...y i start to like older gals liao ah?haiz... dunno also...5 years leh...haiz...cannot be la...haiz...i 25 she 30 liao loh....sad...cannot la...if same age should be better...younger even better...but nowadays young gals realli cannot make it leh...haiz...sad ah...fuck la,think i wat...very good very handsome very rich ah,choose so much...got gals wan already good enough liao...sad...dunno leh...i'm not tt fuck up also wat...ah~~~sick n tired of these...y off day noone finds me out,haiz....face too cool huh?must smile more....dun be so yaya...be more humble,more understanding,more ti tie...start to pshyco myself..."yeah,everything is fine,so happy everyday...yeah,working is so fun...yeah,no stress...yeah~~~" fuck la...
Realli need to like tt meh?ppl say my face dun talk like very how lian n very dao...wat the hell man...i cannot be emotional ah?i happy not happy also cannot ah?fuck la...i human leh....aghhh!!! this world's fuck up la...too bad,i'm still a life...need to carry on,need to blend in...fuck,i hate this...but,just do it la...
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Haha today is a good day...no pr no pr!!!yeah!!! 5 table give tips,almost reach 20 i guess...wahaha...important is 5 table leh...normally onli 1 or 2 table...how much u get is by luck one,but how many table give tips is luck n how well u do ur service...got one very wasted one....first time c this kind of credit card...from SMA(Singapore Medical Association)...tt kind of place also got personal credit card...n come out the name is "DR" omg...they look young loh...high flyer...a trick learn in g/h...ppl give credit card,print liao read the name,then when give them sign address them by mr so n so...ah,like tt they feel special,sometimes surprise,n will felt tt u put in effort to know who r they...then most likely have tips liao...muahahahaha...this Dr. Ng nvr give tips...cos i nvr address his name...haiz...forget...but they very happy of my service,n i'm so into it tt i nearly treat them drink coffee from my money...haha,siao liao,yesterday kanna lecture by anthony,today suddenly very hard working,come very early for work,do thing very fast n very happy mood...
Tml off!!!haiz...work tt time wan off,off tt time wan work...siao man...today azrol also teach me a few extra initiative skills...how to serve the guest better...hoho must practice...erm,basically is just make them ur own guest...make use of the loop hole of the restaurant to serve the best out of it...the loop whole is for us to use one la...anyway,off day come,wanna dun rest also cannot...better rest...as usual,drinking now...so can sleep better...hehe felicia dada care for me today,call me dun drink too much...if she become a wife sure very fierce de...erm,i think my point of view very different from other ppl leh...age doesn't realli matter la...hehe dun think too much,just tt,nowadays like gals all older than me one...those i think can make it one...felicia dada 5 years older than me leh...haha...anyway,good day,tml still got quite a few things must settle one... so rest more...
Friday, August 10, 2007
Today can say the worst day at my work place..PR open by joey...100.45...fuck...n it's my table...means company lose tt money becos of me...wat happened...was chatting with ang mo guest...haha my pr skills getting better...then they happy happy so i take order...everything ok,then i repeat order...they say ok~~~yeah,go key in super fast speed...check again....then double check one more time...scare wrong,cos long table..yeah everything correct...hoho,phoebe call me go eat...i happy hand over to d-jay,then go eat liao...come back tt time azrol tell me i in deep shit...something cock up on table 13...huh?i double check triple check liao still wrong?!?wtf...anyway azrol is one of the best supervisor there...he is my teacher...got tie hair one...but realli friendly n patient...even he kanna scold or embarrased he still can laugh...respect...i go back,kanna say by lynn again...na bei..after tt kanna say by joey again...heng her pr acc still got 900+ after she give tt one...then phoebe also shake head...in the end kanna call to annex by anthony...
Haiz...20 mins tok...this 20 mins he put me deep to the bottom of no where...in his eyes,i'm still zero...i requested to go on floor,so his expectation will be higher...so...his main point is he can't c my heart in service...he can't c my smile...fuck....i can't smile not becos i'm tired after long hours...not becos of supervisor's strict n sacarstic scoldings...it's myself...i'm crazy...how to smile?ah siao....keke...after tt phoebe speak to me about the problems...i indeed make mistake,i miss out the kids steak...cos he having a fucking pizza himself,n order one more new york steak...he's not fat ok...still can sit on her mum's leg...either they treat him like prince if not he is a monster...haiz...second is the kitchen also give wrong order...3rd is the guest also acknowledge the wrong order...fuck...think they know themselves...so b4 leave they give d-jay 23 bucks of tips...n d-jay gives me...she just wanna cheer me up...well...it's ok...spend it on my supper at brewerkz...can c joey's face already not happy liao...now i give money company leh...anyway,azrol help me sign my beer n ice cream...bro,u best man...still lend me jacket so i can sit alfresco...
Was thinking this...anthony say...even i serve the staff tt work here,i must serve them like others...i sit down there order,like normal guest...no coaster...nvm,candy dun have it with her...condiments correct...food come...eat finish no check back...table lots of rubbish nvr clear...nvr smile...no eye contact...wave hand nobody c for half a min...i say like tt not onli shoot candy...include,robin,station captain...felicia,floor supervisor...joey,floor manager...best...then y the fuck anthony wan me to be on tt standard...he says,"alvin,i believe u can do it...tt's y i always wan u in...3 months time,prove me tt u realli worth it..."y me again...y i so special?faith...for wat reason they have faith in me?i can't even smile....fuck...onli way...force myself to smile naturally...realli have to put tt mask...deep from my heart...easiest way,change my point of view...be sensitive to guest mood...be sensitive to superior's motive...they fuck me, they swan me or wat...is becos they wan me to grow...change tt point of view,n things can be more acceptable...all the past,make me grow to this stage,no matter how hard,no matter how pain,i grow n moves on...n i will smile...wat a way to force a natural smile...haha...
Was chatting with von von during today break...disturb her reading...haha...just feel good talking to her...erm...remember wat she says..."u dun need to live for others...live for urself first...u have to make urself happy..."think tt's the point...so long nvr really love myself liao...so...sleep early...tml cannot late again liao...
Chapter LXVI: 失算(Miscount)
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Erm today is a day of miscount...the golden i bought today is damn fuck up...no smell at all...haiz...but spend liao must finish it...saw it on the counter fridge,alone...not with his buddies tt is on top...felt so funny...maybe put for a few days liao...haiz,should tell phoebe i wan the on top one...this one so nan he...
Work with lynn in the morning again...na bei...even she dun talk i also can feel the pressure there... seriously,not say dun like her la...just tt she always so quiet...stand there smile smile...the smile so fake...for guest to c onli... from morning she put me in runner side already...erm know she dun like me...haha too bad manager varen say i more strong,so must come outside...hehe,from start to end,taking 4-9...middle part after break take 1-9,11-17...16 table...steam leh...then at night 4-9 again...haiz,morning miscount...ppl order small wings i key big wings...in the end felicia dada have to do pr...she left 300+ liao...then key beer i all the way very confident de ma,so once i nvr check onli miscount...key in 2 beer one time...have to void again...haiz...lynn say last chance liao...next time i gonna pay myself...so sad,but still forcing to smile...i sad not becos lynn scold me,is cos y i so careless...i key POS already very slow liao,still can key wrong..fuck up...go break,then speak with small yvonne...haiz she got 10 more days...realli will miss her...how i wish she can dun go,so can know her more...haiz,age doesn't matter la...wahaha...after toking to her make me more focus...since i key so slow also will wrong,must well i key super fast...try la...long order i awhile can liao...most important is check...haha got mistake,but is kitchen n bar mistake...i key 1 fries onli,i remember,become 2...i check again,haha i key correct,kitchen fault...then ipa i key one onli,then bar make 2...wahaha lynn's fault...cos tt time she barman... still tt stupid smile,but this one look better...now u know human make mistake right?nb...u supervisor also can make mistake then wat u expect from a server tt is onli on floor for the 4th day...still give me 16 table one shot,lucky not full house time...alot of supervisor say she will train till the person gets to her standard then she will hack care...i will be above her standard...bloody hell,this is not fine dinning leh...
Seriously dunno how she make mistake one...erm...i take my beer liao i will spike ma,then how come leh?onli possibility is becos there is white n yellow copy,she take white stick at the beer then yellow forget to throw away,then too gan chong liao,light there too yellow liao,tot tt one is white copy,then do the second time...wahaha...careful neh...this is ur last chance...whahaha...the rest of the night kanna slam like hell...kitchen one window is 1.25 m,the order chit got 3 window so long...then the printing machine still got one bunch thick thick one haven't put up...my guest wait for almost 1/2 an hour...i also paiseh,so go tell them they have to wait n i'm so sorry,then they say,"thanx for informing us..."wtf...sarcastic right...slap ur face la... so i say y not eat some snacks first b4 the food come...hehe suddenly got this idea...cos b4 tt a table order alot of peanuts from me...all free one...so i make use of this loop hole make them happy...hehe,then tell felicia dada... she even best,use her pr go order chip n salsa to entertain them...clever dada...haha since she treat me so good,today i very hard working at night n do thing well...so she can be very free...free untill yawn...haha...today the crowd dun have 1000 also 900...n she can be free untill yawn...best la...
Finish work go do cash out...1500+...think most of them think b4...how i wish this money is mine...hoho...1 server can get thousand to thousand five...dining itself already got 6 server...then trophy got at least 2,annex got at least 2,left got 6,right got 6, today still got 7000's...there should have 3...wawawa...1 night net profit should have more than 5k.... erm...stop dreaming...haha today got a very very funny miscount...i bring 10 bucks to work... the table i give wrong wings one actually wanted to pay for the big wings,but lynn insist not...then tt guy give 10 buck tips to me...hehe,then another table give 2.20 tips...jerry come eat also give 4.50 tips...but my lunch i eat 20+ leh...i should have less than 10 bucks in my pocket loh...but y i got 20 bucks?y ha?siao liao...cash out is a idiot prove thing leh...the POS print out i write again to double check then separate cash n credit card onli wat...how to get wrong?some more not i c onli...joey also got c...cash is 456.65 ma...i now still remember so clearly...in the end still need to use machine count again...everything must tele...but y i still got so much in my pocket?hope not i cash out got problem...pls pls...shouldn't be la...check so many times liao...
The last thing i miscount...all the flavour in tt golden sink underneath...now taste sooooooo good...wahaha...
Chapter LXV: UNLEASE OF WRATH
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
The key to unleash a hatred in me...love...treating someone so well,not to mention wat i had done...just becos,keeping a secret,just becos mentioning a name...well...this is wat i get...well...really well done humans...i'm nothing,i'm noone...i make mistake,n am sincere to change...this is wat i get...a human mouth will twist things round...twist love into sickening shit,n abuse...well done this is wat i get...i will remember for life...get prepared...
Loving her like this...all the way...even when make her angry also just becos i care for her...well done,this is wat i get...treating him so well,he just taking me like stupid,dun bother to reply msgs,dun bother to reply miss call....well done...taking him as a good friend,telling him my plans,telling him how i feel sometimes,always try to help him,he dun give a fuck n just leave me like tt...although i may say bad things about him to his gf,but tt's the fact,scare wat?if she loves u,u think she care?well done...treat her like a brother,try the best to tell her every fact i know...n in the end no trust had been given,although she say she trust me to the end...say onli...well done....love her so much,try to treat her the best i have,i'm just a human...how can i give u everything u wan at any moment u wan...i'm a human,tt's y always have to love myself...i already trying the best to give all...this is wat i get....very well done...treat him like a elder brother...admire him,respect him...just becos of mistrust,my fault,how many sorry also useless...n this is wat i get...well done...love her,always try to hope i can get her,but isn't possible,but at least i'm willing to be there to help if she wans....is this wat u meant?all the while?the love is not onli love,it's admiration...so all the while the angel tt i admire is just a fucking hypocritical shit?!?very good...
So is there realli someone tt worth me caring,is there someone worth me loving?she say yes,she belief everyone will be worthy for someone,whether they finds it anot...well,i may not find it...n u think fairy tale ah?very well...i had enough...always thinking,y is there always nothing to motivate me...y am i still at this stage?heard a voice a few months back....always trying to deny tt is the fact...but issit?"ur hatred is not enough..."wat should i do?after tonight there will be an answer...
Anyway,y i always mentioning eve's name,not becos i can't let go...it's just tt she's still my friend i guess...i will not be angry or watever if anybody mention her...just a normal friend to me...someone i know...i still have alot to explain myself against wat she write...but,wat's the point?there r misunderstandings,there r things tt r not the fact,there r things tt she guesses...but wat's the point to explain...i dun need to clear ur doubts,dun need to clear the misunderstandings,dun need to explain her stupidity n her childishness...live urself,die urself...as a friend,a god bro...there is no more way i'm going to help u...there's no more way u r going to let me help u...n it's pointless to help u...i'm already stretching out this far,just tt u prove urself to me...worthless...
I know myself....i said ppl r hypocritical shit...i am one myself...ain't u?living for so old,u should know the reason...i say ppl childish,me too...cos i have emotions...i say u r worthless,me too...i dun need to explain this,u have ur own perspective...free to think free to say...nights...
Chapter LXIV: Why like that!!!
Monday, August 6, 2007
Told myself to sleep early liao..morning so difficult to get up...n now?chatting with han...sweet tok again...haiz...wtf...die liao...heart so messy...ah!!! dunno la...sian...
Let's talk about the problem today...went work,morning not tt busy dun put me on floor,at night damn busy then put me,i consider first day on floor leh...yyy?tonight got F1 racing,n soccer match,stupid also know will busy...then actualli take 4 table in the end become 5...got 2 reservation table under me...one of them is my supervisor which i haven't c b4 one...die...scare,confuse,stress...in the end service fuck up...seldom felt so useless...haiz...wat i've been learning in g/h so far...y like tt?
Erm,think think...where got so coincident one...all these plan by management one loh...think they testing me...even more stress...sure fail one la...work half way manager call supervisor to leave me,let me go solo...siao liao...erm,but got one good thing...i go home late 10 mins i also dunno...time flies on floor...dun feel tired at all,onli stress...i will get use to it one...11-10 timing getting more shorter to me liao...dun feel a thing...wanna whack more leh...next week c how...tml will be solo all the way...change alot of coins liao...today not a single cent tips...give guest tips instead...n give company too...nvm...now got lots of coins liao...tml,jia you...
I was always thinking,which type of person would not start a relationship...even friendship...onli 2 type...someone tt won't die,n someone tt will die soon... i mean if i'm either of them...haiz...night...
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Acutally wat does tt mean?dictionary have different meaning between faith n faithful...so wat is it?ppl say faithful to god...faithful to their partner...n wat's love does it gonna related with it?erm...word changes their meaning when read by different ppl,in different perspection...this is wat i found,especially these kind of word...
To me...faith is something like trust...in a way like confidence too...using onto other ppl...faithful,means loyalty...faithful to god,believe in god...a much heavier word then believe i felt...n love...someone's blog ask this question too...someone who likes to take dictionary out to check...this word realli have alot of meaning...using at different ppl different time...y u love a person...i say this in bgr situation...ask bee bee,y she love a person...from like become love...she say got feelings loh...gals always wanna use this way to fix the meaning of love...a feeling... when u dun c him u miss him...when u c him u r shy n happy...i had this feelings 11 years ago...think it's the last time...i remember my smile in the mirror...10 years later i saw it again,on another person...ade...when she pick up her bf phone call...tt's the smile,which makes me gave up on going after her...she's so happy,hope she is still till now...
Even a phone call can make a person smile like tt...erm,this is love to her ba...to some ppl they relate to family...bgr in relate with family...love this person so much,even how much this person betrays,how many things happen,they r still together...nvr give up on him...i do have the same concept about love when she leave me...haha but when i c this gal,i doubt whether this is love...this is love to her...
To some guys in this world,love is just a game...a way to manipulate others feelings...make tt person can't leave u even u betrays her,make a person so happy when she c u...normally they call this fishing tactic...human wanted to play with this till they even come out with books...haha realli nvr bluff ppl one...but is tt love?in fact,now she said tt i'm the one tt is playing this game...well...believe it anot,i deny...i know how to play,but i can't...cos i extremely disagree tt this is love...
Human r just so complicated...i'm damn complicated i should say....haha just a word they can't even find a fix meaning...to me,ways of love realli got alot...but to me,meaning of love very simple...a feeling...mixture of emotion n logic...first when u c someone tt realli attracts u...u ask urself,will i have future with this person?will i be able to put in all my trust to this person?will i be faithful to this person?no matter wat happen to her,will i still be with her?normally these answer can't be found when u first attract to tt person...so onli way is try first loh...wahaha...starting u may have tt kind of c her will be happy feeling...soon will change...become c her will be peaceful...every morning when i kissed her i c tt smile...kitten smile...haha i feel so peaceful...felt tt even as much pain i suffer,she will still be with me,not say protect me,at least comfort me... but it's all fake!!!cos she's not faithful...just when i said to myself...she worth me loving...all the questions i ask above...all r positive...n she just go...whether she fall for him when she's with me i dunno,i dun bothered to know anymore,but y i say she's not faithful is becos,she dun believe tt i'm loving her...as simple as tt...her beliefs changes...into i'm using her...alright...fated,i have nothing to say...
Talk to this gal just now...she had this problem about faith...i already tired of acting anymore...nvm...i have to....dunno,become my instinct...if i nvr act,i will on the spot fuck u...to my point of view u r definately unfaithful...but u dun felt so,cos ur bf also not faithful once...u choose to forgive but nvr forget...gals r like tt i know...so wat's the point getting together?using tt as the first excuse to be unfaithful...same to ting...u can't forget,then y bother to forgive?forever there will be this mark in ur heart...either bringing it as an excuse,or an excuse to quarrel...stupid right...up to u anyway...n gal u still dare to tell me the pheromone thingy...regardless fake or true...i was so fucking piss n become so sarcastic just now...well done...pheromone,u said it's a smell tt will attract ppl together right?the stronger it is the more u can't reject right?so wat if tt's true?is tt a reason,or an excuse?so,all guys tt is outside fucking around after their marriage,they all can use this as a reason,so everyone will felt tt it's ok man,not their fault...yeah right...not applicable to me even the whole world say so...sorry if it's too harsh,but just let me burst awhile after having a few weeks of acting show at work...
From my point of view,it's definately possible tt u have tt kinda feelings to others beside ur partner...of cos,this world so big...there is so much choices...but since u have already choosen one,n had been together for so long,u should be already decided tt he should be the one isn't it? or maybe,u dun felt tt he's the one,u r just having him by ur side so u will feel better,u nvr think of getting married with him...if tt so,i got nothing to say n will retrive all the words above...but tt's not the case...u wanted to get married with him...to me,marriage is just a stupid ceremony...a way to tell ppl around u tt u can have babies n houses legally...to me,tt's all...so since u choosen,then just be faithful...2 choices obviously,one break with ur bf n go with tt guy,another cut off all feeling u have for tt guy n be faithful to ur bf...onli a second's job to decide,if u realli love ur bf... c how long u spend...tt's y i say u unfaithful...
Ah,scoldings finish...like it or not,fine...just so fucking tired of acting...if u ask me how many friends i have,where i wear my mask to know,close ones there r more than a dozen,not close ones,oh man,too much...but if u ask me,those who c my true colours n still my friend,not more than 3 i guess...so u decide...i scold u untill like tt,becos i felt tt u r wrong,i'm faithful as a friend...i love u as a friend...all the ppl,the past,the recent ones,i use this way to let them know wat kind of friends i am...tt's y left so little now...u choose...analyse for u somemore...follow the crowd,or be tt stupid unique ones...
Now i know who to choose...even eve comes back,i won't be interested anymore,becos she dun have faith in me...i will nvr settle myself with this kind of person...naive right...faith is just a dream...just felt tt whole world onli i have faith...all dun have...not happy with my saying then show me ur faith...prove me wrong then...haha...
Finally,i'm getting tired...the beer effect...golden can't drink too slow either...if not,in the end will be like water...erm,nvm...so nice...n gal,i'm still alive...i still have my aims...i won't be gone so fast,if u concern...i take all these painfulness as challenges...c,my new work place i already got champion for longest working hours...62 hour per week...every one got 168 hours a week,i left with 106 hours...more than half u c...nothing great to me actually...but they just felt tt i'm insane...if management allow,i hope i can go up to 100 hours...but but....haiz,still too little...100 hours times 6 per hour equal 600,times 4 weeks,2400...heard there's CPF...20% means i take home onli 1920...where got enough?fuck...how?finally today able to be on floor already...hope tml too...means my tips coming....hoho...have to fucking memorise the menu n the POS machine(Point Of Sales)...this is wat i more scare than the horrible working hours...life is full of stress...no,i mean challenges...i must have extreme faith in myself...
Just written a new song on my blog...by laruku again...this song,is memorable...it's about faith...changed to english b4,but not nice...hehe ok nights...
Ya forget, wish u happy birthday... n continue to be serious with her...
My 最佳损友...
Saturday, August 4, 2007
"Anata no tameni"
"Just the way you want it"(Japanese)
~
Was damn pissed during work today...tt's y i'm drinking again....nah...cos i missed the taste...the first mouth u will feel the acidic feeling first...then when u swallow it,it's cooling even it's room temperature...n the back kick is so warmth...n delicious in the sense of smell tt goes back to the nose...erm...second mouth gets lighter,when u reach 3rd or 4th mouth,it's almost the same as normal beer...i will stop for maybe half a min or so then i drink again,n the flavours come again...erm...so nice...muahaha...life is great...n i won't get drunk in this speed...
Haiz...was so piss by this 2 person...not realli very piss la...but just abit not happy...one say wat we r friends,will help me upgrade my com or watever...nvm...i realli appreciate it...but in the end leh?say wanna meet yesterday night,say take half day off help me take the ram chip...so pai seh,but since he wan,then realli thanx alot...just return him money in time...in the end nvr call me nvr reply my msg...i was thinking should i call,but was thinking,in the end it's not his duty or wat to help me...wat should i expect...i make it straight forward la....everytime when he reach the time to take money he will suddenly msg me...when i need help or wat,he disappeared...i always think he must not help me,but he promise to help me becos he treat me as a friend...aiya,watever,dunno he knows anot...i hate ppl for not replying my msg,especially someone i concern...first thing i feel neglect,second i dunno he's dead or alive or hp drop inside toilet bowl...so diffcult to reply my msg if u treat me as a friend meh?so all those friendship talks r just talks?sorry for being so accusive,but i feel like tt loh...watever,next time,dun tell me this again...maybe u r busy,there must be a reason behind la...maybe emergency,maybe u too tired tt u forget,watever...dun need to say untill u sure gonna help me..realli appreciated,just take care of urself first b4 thinking of helping others...
This gal...aiya eve la...always like to call me....msg very ex ah?u know i'm normally busy one leh...haiz...then say wanna pass me the dog food,till at night,nvr msg me,nvr call me...wait whole night like idiot...for these 2 person...very difficult to call me meh?last min got things to do,ok loh...not like i'm gonna be angry or wat...just tell me la...in the end wat thing?go play guitar with friend...best...up to u...i'm no one to concern...all along...these sentence,been singing for so long since we r together...あなたのため...
Been working just now...was so piss by these 2...this gal,come 3 or 4 days onli...nvm,nvr listen to my advise...do things finish nvr clear,need others to clear...forget once ok...how many times liao?now i become runner side ic...today i fucking number 8 day leh...need me to in charge of them?haiz...in the end i kanna fuck again...this guy even best...ya,like to learn things alot....almost as fast as me,but too bad memory abit losing...anyway,just like to go his own way...2nd day leh bro...can listen anot?ccb...same thing i tell them....あなたのため...
A song from L`Arc~en~Ciel...Laruku...sang this so many times to eve last time...i'm helping her, giving her advise...till the very end i also nvr tell her the meaning of this sentence...nvm...she dun need to know,now she's doing her own way...every human live their own lifes...i know from the start,i definately can't control...i onli can give advice,but normally ppl dun follow becos of pride...so i du lan also dun wanna give advice already....but human just fucking like to act....act humble...act tt they can accept...they will come n ask for ur advice...as if watever ur advice they will accept...in the end if the advice is not going with their way,they just fuck care n do their own way...hypocritical shits...to friends,i will just fuck care...for love ones,i will get more n more worried n will soon tense to control...silly right....cos i dun wan bad things to happen to them...so conclusion,no matter who,i of cos can give advices...clear n well analysed...after tt, turn my head n fuck off,whether they appreciate,they follow or wat,it's up to them...everybody have their own thinking their own way of living....same as i...so,watever it is,just wish them good luck...of cos,if the situation is critical,ah....even i have to break ur leg to stop u n kanna jailed i also dun care....cos u r my friend,u r my love one...must c la,how critical it is...
Long time....nvr c into my dreams...as wat those stupid scientist say we make dunno how many thousand dreams a night,but onli can c a few...i once used to be able to c maximum 24 or 25 dreams... average 5 -6 ba... it's tiring... now i seldom c le...forget got how long...but i still feel tired when i wake up,cos i c my imaginations... keke... nvm... let's talk about the latest... just now while waiting for someone to call me, i took a nap... dreamt tt i meet 3 dogs...haha one normal husky, one i think is border collie, then one pure white dog... hold their tail,dunno for wat then they pull me back home meet bengo...then they become friends...haha so child's dream right?
Let's talk about today morning...a very funny dream... this guy...one of my "ex" friend... killed his gf... i explain all the misunderstanding...realli feel the hatred...burning in me...i basically burn in fire..ma chiam movie sia...i think there's more story,b4 i realli c the dream,he's with her... these 3,once so close with me...in the dream i call them lust,glutonny n envy...haha realli suit them...had a fight...haha...they knock out...then another "close" one came into the show... always had the feeling tt he's above me...i call him greed...wahaha...watch too much movie liao...ki siao liao...n he called me..."wrath"...ah!!!!wtf!!!
The day b4 is the best...a very short one...onli on my bed...with her...also dunno which her...onli one her in my dreams la...haha...but,but hor,hehe i dunno y everytime i dream of her,this name comes out of my mouth..."qin"...not ya qin tt qin loh...i remember i saw her write her name,dunno when n y,is qing,情...keke...on my bed doing nothing...just lie down there...closing my eyes...hugging her...erm...tt's y i overslept n was late...haha... cos i dun wanna leave my bed n her... keke i realli ki siao liao...nvm...it's normal ba...haha...
I also heard her saying...my name..."vyn"...dunno whose voice...all gals sound almost the same leh...i must hear liao then can recognise...just so gentle...erm....keke someone tt does not exist...nvm...just hope,at least i can dream of her everynight...
Friday, August 3, 2007
Found tt this is my favourite quote neh...somemore i working in service line,always say this word...normally ppl will say "certainly" in g/h,but i just like to say this...dunno y...n i found tt this word appear alot of time in Constantine also...by keanu reeves...the ang mo way of saying must make the mouth like kissing someone like tt...funny...dunno how to say...looks funny haha...but learning,cos now i dealing with lots of ang mo...
Been working hard today...almost went crazy...lunch still can handle,till dinner...hoho 800+ pax...lucky i still not bad...if not i really cannot take it...somemore i still protecting those new comer...haiz...back home so tired...go eat supper...eat alot recently...spend alot also...really must stop spending liao...till dunno when...minimal spending...must plant in the mind set...erm...was thinking,mind set is very important...if u r playing a game...lose win doesn't realli matters...but if i say this game u lose u will lost a finger,how hard will u play?if i say this game u lose ur dick will be smash off,how hard will u try?in everything u do,u put in this mind set so strong,no human can take it...just an imagination...if when i work i put in these kind of mind set?when i wake up from bed i put in this kind of mind set?although nothing is important to me,but i admit there is still somethings i dun wanna lost,some pain i dun wanna feel...tt's y i'm still alife...end of the story,there is a purpose behind...haha always a catch...i do so many things becos of purpose..tt's the point...
Read ppl's blog...so many things come in my mind...ppl will have much more even worst situation than urs...u r not the worst,not the best...always like this...but tt time how much pain is inflicted on u? how much is inflicted on this gal?is death realli the worst?or the best?dunno...tt auntie ah,always say believe in god...force me to read tt book...first page onli wanna tear the book liao...put it in this point...there is realli god la...hor...god created all of us...we worship him...but,so wat?we still have to trust our own strength...it's god tt give us this body, this mind...everything...doesn't it sound worthy if i say trust urself means trust god?ya right,there is so many stuff in this world tt we can't reach...too much instead...when u already try ur best,automatically,u will pray...cos there's nothing u can do...anymore...me too,pray sometimes...when i realli can't do anything...out of my reach...but i will not always pray,i appreciate...u dun need to say anything to appreciate...just smile...even u can't, try ur best...she says,smile is a medicine...medicine r bitter...i often feel this bitterness on my mouth...think she too...but u know?often we grieve over ppl's death...always there will be someone saying,the one tt has leave us,wanna c us smile...wan us to be happy...just change positions with tt one tt is gone...u too,wanna c the ppl tt u love to be happy...it's hard...realli hard...but definately,u have to,cos u r still alive...
It's hard for me to smile truthfully...i may be happy awhile,but sooner than i expect,my smile fade...it's hard...but...i can tell u...i'm living a life i wan now...challenges in front of me...i heads on with it...solving the problems like a billion pieces of jig-saw puzzle...testing my brain my body my heart...my ability to live...this is the life i live,this is wat i wan..."the greatest success of a person is to live his own life...his own way..."dunno which guy say one...but this is the fact,n...although it's hard for me to realli smile,but if u ask me,whether i'm happy with my life n carry on with the unknown years till the end,my answer will be"Sure~"
Chapter LIX: Somethings never change
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Went work today,late...i have to change this fate...can be early,cos lack of motivation,went back sleep again...ya tt's the word...motivation...i'm searching for tt...nothing seems important to me now,tt's y lack of motivation...end work at 6...late 8 mins,so give back 8 mins...dunno will cut pay anot...nvm...
Bought golden when i leave...told zi han,it was my medicine for fever...still feel feverish now,but didn't take temperature...dun give a damn...da bao whopper home,eat,watch bleach then start drinking...been drinking these few days...from the day with bernard...just have the feeling...to drink...searching for something,dunno wat...till just now...
Dunno becos i miss her or i'm lonely...perhaps finally drink enough,beyond the point of high,abit drunk i guess...i miss something...not her...just hug my bolster n cry...long time nvr feel this warm on my face...this feeling...i miss her,or i dun...i dun miss her now...the eve now...it's before...the times when i call her dear...not the eve now...definately...she changed...fill with hatred perhaps...dun give a damn...either an enemy or a stranger to me now...i onli concern her in the past...not her i mean...the feeling...the feeling of love...i crave for the hugs...i like the kisses...i miss those call...i wish for those whispers...i love tt SMILE...none of them exist now...even if i get it,it's from someone else...i dun mind,if it's true...i dun mind even risking my life for it...hereby,i truthfully HOPE tt i will get this feeling again...something tt is onli mine...which worth me giving up my everything,my career,my ambition,anything...nothing is important to me anyway...i can onli hope...
Perhaps,when the day come,when i finally found this feelings...it's already my time to go...my state now...my lifestyle now...just digging my own grave...but i will still wan to lie on this feeling once again...even for a night,a short period b4 i leave...this is the feeling i crave for,which will nvr change...
Ah,awake already...not drunk liao...i wrote the above when i'm half drunk...haha...anyway,golden is really nice neh...think this will be my favourite...hoho...
"HOPE"(Spanish)
~
Went for a coffee just now...tot of this...she said,seeing how i suffers in pain now make her relives...indeed,i am...this is the best gift i could give u...just wants u to be happy,i'm suffering in pain cos by memories everyday...this is wat u wan...i give u my smile...but this is not the worst i guess...something i have tt is more important than my smile...hope...u can nvr take tt away as long i'm alive...without this i must as well be dead...i hope i will find a gal tt will suits me much more than u,more than anyone else...i hope i could earn lotsa money so my family n i won't worry about money...u understand?u can't take hope away from me...if u wan,by all means...my smile already urs,the rest r not so important to me anymore...my friends now will leave me one day,my family will leave me one day too...i just have to treasure them now...waiting them to leave...once my day hasn't up yet,there's no way anyone can take away this treasure of mine....HOPE...
Chapter LVII: Hypocritical Shit
Been awhile didn't blog liao...not too long ba...first of all,i should wish don(bernard's gf),shiman,siew ping, happy birthday... been working these few days,learn alot of things,c alot of things, n also get sick...haha..think is the jab yesterday ba...typhoid vaccination...dunno can last how long...nvm...tml will be fine ba...
Yesterday work till 10...bought some beer back...hoho...long time nvr drink liao...siao...sat drink with bernard,sun drink with zi han,then yesterday buy home drink...think tt,maybe i drunk liao will sleep better ba...so i bought 3 bottle,go home, then think,should i buy some show?erm,getting more n more no life liao,so bought some show from ah neh center go home watch,n some nasi briani...go watch eat n drink...so shiok...haiz...too bad...alone...nvm...getting use liao...3 show,Constantine,Blade trinity,Matrix reload...out of these 3 ah... Constantine is the best i can say...watch twice...tt guy inside...keanu reeves...is much better than he is in matrix...found tt he look quite like huang lee hom...n he act like liang chao wei...wa...very nice..his acting skill realli very real...think he's my idol for hollywood ba...wahaha...haiz...realli enjoy yesterday...sleep till 5 then wake up...think next time off day buy beer go home drink...will make me very awake the next day...but i realli spend too much liao...must cut cost to the max liao...haiz...haven't get pay yet...cut cost cut cost...
Anyway,just learn this phrase...Hypocritical Shit...nothing special,but i nvr say this kind of things b4...my ang mo getting better liao...going to become ang moh beng liao...haha...just fuck those hypocritical shits tt is surrounding my life...had enough...
