Time really flies,2 months le ba... nvr felt tt time move so fast... time for use everyday seems so little now... of cos... working like crazy... most of my time r at work....earning tons of money... ya right... just peanuts compare to wat i wan... slowly la... monday n tuesday already 150... by end of the week if nothing much changes in my schedule, think i can get 450... if i arrange my schedule like this week, i will get 1800 per month... more than wat a captain get... but... will my schedule be like this? a company would rather hire a full time then a part time i think... i try hard... think not hard enough... hope tt my boss will felt tt i'm in use, so he will use me more... i dun mind the tireness... i just wanna get the money... i just wanna achieve my onli aim now... hatred...
Ya, finally seems to cut off liao... the bond with her... just becos of some argument... it's about appreciation... i was tired, n i felt tt she dun appreciate my presence... dunno y, maybe she too guai lan ba... but i dun care le... seriously, i'm kinda sad... but suan le... she say she will always be there for me... but dun think i worth it... put it this way... just take it as i'm someone tt lost my soul n became a demon or watever... the pain is still in me... make me changed... i didn't change for tt 2 person, i change for myself... a very naive n childish thinking, tt makes me come out with tt stupid aim... i dun mind... after i achieve tt aim, if i die i also dun mind le... think already somehow give up hope le... ya i should give up all hope ba... cos i should be dead tt time, but i didn't, cos i have to do something like tt...how high can i climb? definately higher than them, definately higher than anyone else... to do wat? do something tt is very childish... after i suceed? dunno wat i have to do liao... maybe just help out others loh... shi man, dun care about me too much la... wat's in my heart no longer ur concern liao... u should concern him more... money wise i can give how much i will give, no need return... just take it as to repay u for staying by my side for so long... this kindness is priceless... i onli got money tt i can pay u... n the kindness for zhe to make u happy n intro u to me... as long u trust urself, i will still take u as a bro... ting, watever the problem is, i will also be there for u, same like shi man... just trust urself, tt u won't do anything tt betrays urself... but everything is still ur choice la...
Ever told myself... there is 3 lady tt i won't be with, esther, shi man, n eve.... n onli one lady i won't love, it's eve... whole world left with me n her also won't happen anything... reason's tt simple... i went to her n yr's friendster just now... heart is still pounding... i hate tt feeling, when i outside, i also have tt feeling last time, scare c them... but now i start to like tt feeling... ya i admit i scare to c any funny photos of them... scare i will break the monitor... but like the feeling... conclusion, i love hating them all my life...
Haiz... i know clearly... all the memories with them r in me... deep in me, i try to forget with a stick wacking my head, no use... i try to forget by working, no use... i try to let myself follow my lust... even worst... i try to let myself fall in love with others, seems to forget for quite awhile, but when i realise, i couldn't love anyone... all r just crushes, becos of their looks n actions... i basically dun really understand them... can't love them at all... just crushes, when i look back, all the memories flow back in... i really wish tt the angel comes in, but... i know myself la, the angel will nvr come in... just fucking hell cut of tt hope...
I dun believe anymore... but i still have tt final dream... i will achieve tt dream within 10 years... definately... no matter tt time situation is how... unless i'm dead...
Shi man, i know u appreciate la... but nvm le... i dun really care whether u appreciate anot... i trust tt u appreciate me accidentally... tt's y i doubt... n i know u will be angry ba... sorry la, i shouldn't trust... i trust becos u r too good to me... now i learn my lesson le... but of cos i will definately appreciate u... for letting me trust u for tt last time... letting me c tt hope for the last time... love u guys... remember, i will always still be there for u guys... but this time, i maybe different...
Recently talk to one of my captain... i try my best to understand them more, so i can work with them even better... i know one thing, there is 3 type of work... one is becos ppl like the money, second is becos ppl like the job, third is just becos ppl like the environment there... till now i nvr c a place tt can fulfill all 3, cos pay is always getting higher everywhere... this place give 1.3, tt place give 1.5, another place give 1.7... one thing is wat's ur post la... but becos of country, there is always higher pay after time... when ur exp increase the pay u crave for will also be higher... it's normal, tt's y i choose not to work in the end... haha tt one another story leh... most important thing i wanna say is, becos of relationship, n job scope, ppl stay at a lower pay job... job scope is like, ppl won't like to do sai gang... but this kind of sai gang sure must have ppl do one... tt's y ppl study so much... the higher u study, the lesser sai gang u will touch... but all these r jobs... ppl have to do them... u study alot, but if one day u get condem? can u handle tt sai gang properly? n perform while others still curse n swear about wat they doing... i know very clearly, there is up n down in life... so in the end, job scope to me is, i'm a server, waiter, i dun have to wash the car for my guest, babysit my guest's baby for the whole day, or be a fat women's boy for a week... all this r totally out... but i can with stand job's like even going into the kitchen to cook when the chef go toilet...(haha tt's my profession) so basically anything tt to do with f n b i can handle... i even once do room service out of initiative in order to provide service excellence although as a part time i totally dun have to... last is environment... which is the key point i was thinking... ppl there is like how? dun talk, u do urs i do mine, i c ur job not done i fuck care... all this r the environment... but g/h last time have a very good environment, tt produce good team work... i remember, or issit wrong? dunno la, just felt abit like family loh... but now, dun realli sence it ba... but some how have leh... now think carefully, have... a very close family... they r so loving... but seems like all part timers r out of the circle, not like last time liao... got abit feeling like wan to go in their circle... but... forget it, count me out... i considered cheryl's, my manager, offer, she offer me to be full time... half a year later promote captain... without any education leh... wtf... the first thing i think, wat do u have for me to learn if i join full time? second, which i think now, i'm not interested in grouping up with u all... not about being a family anymore... if i do, i will be like staying there for dunno how long liao... time's precious... n maybe, tt pain will come again... forget it... of cos i'm still very close with my collogue... like close friends... talk cock sing song... cos i believe, with this environment, it will be better for me to work n perform... if i can perform well, i can protect my stand as regular part timer... if i can perform well with long period of working time, vincent will feel more safe to put me long hours... everything is link... so g/h, just tolerate my craps, n be happy with work n push up the standard of g/h...
Ya actually i wanted to talk about the captain tt i interact with... feby, sounds like ebi... one of the beautiful one la, look abit fierce onli... but actually ok one... seriously speaking, she is one of the staff tt i flirt the most... haha i call emily mummy, call samanda oh neh chan,call yoke yee xiao lao po, call li peng, peng jie, call yogie boss... but i call her bao bei... haha wat i once use to call eve... haha n she still like very happy... hehe, heard b4 someone say she very despo wor... dunno la... just flirt ard la... just few hours interaction she can have pretty close contact with me liao... haiz, i dun mind as long she dun mind... keke... go home tt time already anyhow think liao... somemore got her number n friendster... erm... how ah? dun worry, nothing will happen de... although she 3 years older than me, which i totally dun mind, but i have my own plan ahead la... dunno la, c how... i still can carry on with my plans even if anything happens...
Hehe, y i squeese so many think in one entry ah? a favour from u guys, anybody who can read till the end pls tag my tag board... thx... i wonder anybody read anot...