Today went to work again... late...although shiman got give me morning call... call ritz, to tell them i will be late for 5 mins... but sway sway samantha pick up the phone... fuck up... i scared her the most... haiz... still not feeling very well... n alot of things still going in my mind... elly talked to me... about my job... ask me whether i wanna find full time job... erm... of cos... but not service side, n i dun think i wanna stay at ritz... cos too much ppl le ba, she also agreed, so she say she try helping me loh... haiz, thanx alot, but i will miss her de... y she treat me so good? friend? dun treat me too good, i very easy fall in love now... haiz...
Today q______ got work, the gal i wrote last time, saying i got a little interest one... keep on looking at her... n she also like smiling at me... fuck up... i'm working leh... my heart is shaking the whole day... i'm always cheerful at work, cos i dun wan to work showing ppl a stupid face... for work... getting more n more committed to work... although just a part time... i have to commit more, not to the extend of selling my soul, but like working for my own company... i'm must try hard, i must over pass him...
U know after tt incident, i'm thinking back everyday... thinking back wat i did wrong, wat they did wrong, wat can i change... found alot of question, alot of answer, glad to say tt all my mistake, i can find the answer, n find a way to change.. so wat? it's not time... i'm still in so many debts, how can i start a new relationship? not onli tt, friends also... all these bonds will onli create the weakness in me... I HAVE TO CUT ALL THESE BONDS...
Got one question, how can i ever trust anyone? a friend i know for 4 years, i really admire him like my big brother, did this to me, just becos i suspected him... he can prove me wrong, explain to me, point out my mistakes, shouldn't all this a friend should help? i may be angry for awhile becos of my ego, sometime later i will notice n change... but y he didn't? he just say those things to her behind me,to make me look even worst in front of her... if i'm a fucker, then wat is he?
A gal tt been with me for 1 year 2 months plus, staying with her for most of the time, sharing happy n sad memories, just like a wife to me, leave me n go with him on another day... no matter wat i do, go down on my knees,n just want her to come back giving me another chance, but she dun even bother... trying so hard after tt to just wan her to come back, but all my effort is wasted... maybe not, at least i know, i ever love her tt much... n i dun think she will believe... n dun even care...
Tt is the closest bond i ever had in the past... thinking back, it's really one of the happiest time in my life... n becos of these bonds, i became so weak...
Working, sleeping, eating, bathing, shiting, now, i craved for another bond like tt, with someone tt worth it, worth my trust, craving for the happiness, but in reality, who can i trust? n i think most probably not much ppl trust me after they said those things behind me... fine, i dun need anybody to trust me, n i dun have to trust anyone...
Shi man, sorry, the bond with u is happy, i love being with u, but there is another bond tt is more important to u now, i dun wan to put it at risk, since u guys get together with him putting in so much hope, n u already put hope in, i hereby wish u guys all the best... this doesn't mean i will disappear, just tt i won't be out there with u all too often...just give me a call when u all need help... i will definately help if i can...:) Cya!!