I'm working like shit recently man... how's my schduele like... last last week, monday,wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, all morning... 730 to 1600... $51 per day... damn xiong... still ok la... haha then this monday or when lost my wallet... ccb $230++ inside... nearly gone crazy... then straight away msg my supervisor, vincent tan, tell him i going to change my schedule next week... monday to saturday, all double shift... means 16.5 hour everyday... then go home take a nap, waiting for police to call me... eh, realli call... chiong down to the npp, take back my wallet... expect all money lost... but funny is onli lost 10 bucks...-_-" wtf... the police say is a ah neh pick up one... esther tell me, maybe the ah neh onli recognise the 10 dollar note... wtf... impossible la... haiz... nvm la... at least get back... so i decided not to bring wallet from now on... so i won't lost my wallet... wahaha...
this week schedule, monday to wednesday morning... friday morning, saturday double... come back home nearly concast... didn't expect dinner to be so difficult... it's dunno how many times from breakfast plus lunch loh... 2 year ago got so tough meh? haha btw, tt 4 guys tt playing music is still playing now... the best thing is i think the music r the same... for the 2 years every night play same song... i c the gal playing the piano is almost falling a sleep, where she still can play so fast without mistake... haha power... haiz next week best... mon, wed, sat double, tue, thur, fri morning... totally no life... tiring... but alot of money... promise myself, won't put aeroplane unless hospitalise or anything emergency...
Haiz, memories coming back everyday... torturing me, there's no way to smoothen it, onli when working... making use of this chance, pressuring myself more... i can take even more stress... my arms r already aching like hell now while i'm just pressing keyboard... shoulder so hard... noone will massage for me like last time... but doesn't matter... this is realli the starting... to my point of success i still have to receive a thousand or million times of pressure compare to now... i will definately not give up...
I wanted to cut those bonds, but i'm still contacting them... looking at gals, solving problems tt is totally none of my business... giving myself a excuse, just wan them to be happy... just to make myself happier... but i'm still craving for someone... noone i can trust but y am i craving? i analyse my own feelings again, i wan to believe in someone... beliving someone without logical intact is making urself a idiot... stupid... believe in love? something tt u can't c can't feel in physical sence... ppl r just believeing in lust... but i crave for someone tt belive fully in love, in me, i know myself truly, i will not betrays, tt's y i can believe myself... i hope she will also have the same thinking... letting me to believe in her... trust her... this is faith i guess... if i trusted her, tt means she will be not like eve,she will definately give me sence of security... she will not easily give me the thinking of wat's she's doing outside now... n when she has my trust, n if she betrays me, the wrath in me will definately be much more than wat i have now... dunno la...
So the conclusion is, i wanna be alone, n achive my chaotic aim... haha at least i got a aim now, so dun bother wat issit... something bad tt's all... but another side of me, hope i can give up my aim, n be with someone i realli love someone tt i realli worth trusting... n be with my friends, love them... but, i know... love itself, it's quite easy to find in the society now... but to my standard, it's impossible for me to go hunt... so i must well go straight to my point... dun care, c fate... if there's really someone tt suits me, then say ba... i confirm wan the person to love me like hell... tt's y now i always flirt ard... to know new friends n also to maintain tt little hope in me...
I'm just like being cursed like tt... noone can break tt curse, not even myself... perhaps onli a angel can do so... keke... stupid... there's alot of things in me i wan to say out... but noone to speak to... i dun wan to put weight on others... i tried telling shi man, but whenever i talk i felt tt she dun realli bothered... it's fine la... my own problems... dun get bothered by it... wanted to talk to esther, but think she's too stress to take anymore stress... other then tt i dun feel like placing my problems anywhere... as wat marcus say, dun make ur problem into my problem... i won't mind taking this but, i mind giving others...
Haiz, hand going to cramp liao... told my 2 baby, i going to bath them, from monday say untill now, still haven't bath... now hand cramp dunno how also... should be ok la... rest awhile more, tonight can bath them liao... tml double... dun bother... the stress even bigger than the sky i also can with stand... definately... first of all my body... take good care first, then others shouldn't be a problem... body has limit, brain dun have... so must take care body... haha... human r all cursed... hate it... n love it too... this curse, ppl name it "desire"... a.k.a "sub-concious mind"... cya next chapter bloggy!!!