Tuesday, June 26, 2007
This is the word i use when eve ask me y i love her last time... memories... i c it all... all around me... i missed...not onli her, all the things... u know wat? it's painful... i know may not be as painful soon... but i dun wan to have any of this type of memories again... so shut up my heart, cut off my friends, not going to start a relationship again... dunno till when... be alone... if lonely just work, read... increase knowledge... dun wanna feel this kind of pain anymore... the feeling now is like maybe a few years later when i think back of these memories i will still cry... i think i still got the photo at home... the one at laviva, we take together... realli... dunno how long this sadness last... sometimes felt tt death will realli cure... but fair to my family ma? i still have to protect them... so pain... i will not die,as long as in my reachable means... now hearing a song from hyde... his last personal album, faith... a song named 'Season call'... very nice n very different from the rest of the album... i wanted to edit the lyrics to english for eve last time, tt night i first break with her... really cannot leh... but there is a few lines i realli felt tt is describing my feeling for her now...
"How many cut should I repeat?
How many fate should I accept?
Does it ever ends?
~
You taught me how to love,
I feel,
I can do anything...
~
My beloved season call me,
Because I always feel you in me..."
The season means, to my point of view la... most of the ppl have a time in life where they got lots of time, for singapore, it's when studying, i n eve also started tt time... we got lots of time together doing things we like... the memories is so sweet... although there's quarrel but it's happy... alot of ppl won't wan to give up this relationship, although alot did, i did too... but even if next time we had a new relationship or even married, we will sometime think back... tt season,calls our soul back to time...feeling each other in our heart... if i analyse correct then this song surely not written for his wife de... wtf...
Instinct... example, dog got a instinct is to self defence, most animal have... birds' is to fly, fishes' is to swim... human leh? think i got written this topic in my last book... now i got a different thinking of my own instinct... eve should know... my instinct is to fight... chinese call "zhan dou"... yao rong ever told me he wan to stay by the sea side n enjoy life when he retire, me too... but i was thinking, u wan a 20+ kid staying at tt kind of place for the rest of the life? wu siao bo? ya, when i'm old... but for now, i wan to fight... found three important things in me, way to love, purpose of life, reason to fight... to love someone is to make her happy... to a extend with ownself's foresight, guiding her, giving advice... when come to betrayal or wat, just accept, love her, wish her happy, of cos telling her this is not correct n leave her, let her think for herself... this i my way to love... i know alot of ppl cannot catch the ball...nvm... purpose of life is to create a heaven in earth, this i say b4 le... reason to fight is to protect... ownself, emotional n physical, n test the strength of one self,the soul created by god(if there is), body created by parents, to the very extend, setting the limit sky high, n to over take everyone to reach the sky, not in one particular direction, n is in all directions... fnb, achitect, engineering, computer,health products, everything on business side...languages, intelligence,attitude,skill of observation, analysation, concentration, multi-tasking,communication skills, skill of acting, skill in chess, martial arts, skill of love making,watever i can find i will try my very best to excell... of cos including i like it la... challenge anyone visible... this is my instinct.... issit other's too? i dunno... of cos base on the most profitable in finacially one first... becos i need to eat... ya... my reason to fight, my instinct, is to test my limits...
