Fuck...i'm almost late today...can say late la...a few minutes...tot i said wanna be early by half an hour?ah!!!y?y?y?try to sleep early yesterday,but y?morning nvr hear alarm,wake up 2 times...first b4 i wake,i dreamt of my dream gal again...then wake up c the sky still very dark,think i too gan chong liao,rest for awhile...dreamt of eve....then 2nd time c sky still quite dark,but hear some sound from outside...my grandma doing something...should not be early le...c hp,wa,0641 liao....ccb... faster wake up prepare...then touch my bed,wet wet de...not my penis area,i mean my pillow...funny,nvm,get going...then i miss the bus tt allow me to have a fast breakfast de...die liao...0725 reach security,0732 reach g/h...late....elly ask,'u late again ah?'then i k siao say no la...was talking to auntie just now... hahaha...then heard mrs chew say becareful...i everyday late...haiz how how?
So i work out this thing with my mind...food+rest=energy+growth...my growth is still there but not much of a concern,so i simplified to food+rest=energy...sound so simple...difficult part comes...food+rest=energy,energy use for work therefore work=stress+(-energy)...of cos work=money...money=food+etc...etc then dun say le,since rest+food=energy so (rest+food)-(energy+stress)=stress...after weeks of cycle the stress will accumulate,different ppl will have different level of stress due to work...therefore we must destress...different ppl different way also...for me,er hum...eat good stuff ah(-money),masturbate ah(-energy),sing ah(-energy),communicate with ppl la(-energy)...so in the end...all this will -time but in different quantity...so how?the best out of the best way...find a new gf...muahaha...when i got a gf,eat good stuff(-moneyX2)(-stressX2),sex(-energyX2)(-stressX2),sing(-stressX2),communication(-stressX?)best right?but it's a gamble...if there is something cock up with the relationship?(+stressX???cums-timeX???)haha gamble...suit my style...
All this are logical calculations...how can a life be calculated by onli logic...a human is made up of emotion n logic...stress is also one part of emotion...defers in IQ n EQ...i may have abit of IQ,but as long EQ cannot make it i still die....another way to solve the problem is push myself to a higher EQ,tolerate my stress...tt's wat i'm doing now...but there should be a limit right?this is the question tt always appear...everyday...so now,there is still some emotional stress coming about...
Eve call me today to lend her the smile cd...my smile already been taken away by u la dei...haiz...then she still wanna take back her comic....dun wanna c her... dun wan....she wanna take it fast...frankly speaking,everytime she contact me i go ki siao...out of a sudden one...y she wanna take it fast,is becos scare i dun return her...yaya...noone trust me when i'm mad...i dun even know wat i'm thinking...everything seems so funny in me...how?erm....self analyse again... (ok,u still love her?)erm...dunno...fuck...wait...yes,cos i still cannot give up the memories,cannot face the fact...(hehe good...seeing the gal tt been through with u so much,now with ur ex best friend,how u feel?)dunno,like fuck....wait...wa realli like fuck...if they realli come in face to face with me i realli feel like fuck...(y?)cos i felt tt i play a part not to treasure them,my failure,i dun dare to face my failure...(good...is it wise as lvyn,u dun dare to face ur own failure?think properly...wat should u do?)wait...i choose to kill myself cos i felt so regretted tt night...(then?regret can bring u anywhere?)no...i choose to stay alive...becos i dun wan my family to be sad..(then?living in a life like this issit better than dead?)no...worst...(do u think ur family will be happy?do u think those who realli cares for u will be happy?do u think i will be happy?)no...(do u still hate them?)no,cos i have my fault too...(so wat should u do?)shouldn't continue with my mistake...(SO,WAT'S UR FUCKING MISTAKE?)wait....i started with a relationship tt i dun love...as time goes by i take things for granted,i didn't make a fast decision to cut off everything with her...n i'm afraid tt she will be gone when i know i love her,becos i love her,tt's y i scare,she will love someone tt is better than me...n the fact is wat i suspect is correct...how many other things behind the scene i dunno,but i know this is the fact now...n i know they dun give a damn to me,cos they know tt if they r together i will definately land where i am now...i hate them becos of tt...(tot u say u dun hate them le?)yup...if i hate them i won't decide to return her the money...i return not becos i owe her...deep from my heart i counted very clearly,think she still got owe me...but y i return is becos...i didn't treasure her...i loved her so much...(open ur eyes n c carefully now...look at her friendster...look at ur room,look around u...memories...past...listen to this song....'STORY'...remember clearly?c clearly?u choose to live,means ur life dun ends here...NOW TELL ME WAT SHOULD U DO?)face the fact...dun escape...face my mistake...n nvr repeat it again...give her the money,personally take it as a challenge to myself,give her back the comic...but lazy leh,later then settle this...(good,towards shiman n zhe,wat should u do?)the things between me n eve n yao rong got nothing to do with them...the photos r in my hands to protect myself...n i didn't make up story to shiman...explain liao she dun wan to listen...nothing i can do...so just live with it...didn't hold any grudge...(good,towards jer n ting leh?)i put in so much feelings for them,i really hope tt jer will really treasure ting,n hope ting will be happy n slowly give the trust to him,n hope jer will not abuse the trust again...but i can onli hope...i totally didn't hold any grudge against them...i can contact them right away...but i need some rest...(ok fine, up to u...so how about ade?)this kind of things happen almost everyday in the world...she made the wrong decision,but for now i'm happy for her...no point i still think of her,cos i'm nothing but onli a friend...just contact her whenever i'm free...wish them good luck...(very well...tell me,wat's ur next step?)i lost myself...my heart is hollow,i dunno who the hell i was...i have to come out with my image,i have to find myself back...(after tt?)continue with my plans,on the way look out for logical or emotional opportunities...once i find the logical opportunity,then i go all the way up,once i find the emotional opportunity try to achieve,give wat i have 100%,of cos,request back the 100% from her...nvr ever take it for granted again...treasure while i'm still alife...(very well...u already recover half way...so wat u have to say?)i'm tired...realli tired...emotionally,physically,mentally...breaking up...but i will not give up...ever think of giving up everything n move to another country...but now...i will stay firm n move on...just rest abit...i look upon the future...
WTF leh...i realli go crazy...but i feel better...know wat i have to do n clear wat i am now...just now go pet shop,tok cock with sheena,she scare i become gay...i also scared leh...she say untill ma chiam i really will...so best way to counter this problem is....hehe...find babes la...yohooo...ya i may not be worthy...should i say i'm not worthy...then i will try my best to be worthy...i'm poor,then i find my way to be rich...i'm stupid,then i find my way to be clever loh...so firstly,wat attract gals?wat do gals like from guys?i know...hehe,but dun wanna say...wat will make a gal fall in love deep with u?i know also...hehe then wait wat?wait for me to be stable first...very soon...keke anyway i dun think this time realli will have ppl read to the end...my this entry abit...erm...crazily long...