Ask everyone a question...if one day u found tt all ur memories in ur brain r fake,how would u feel?this is wat i feel now...scared,hopeless...i used to trust my memories...i felt tt i got pretty outstanding memories...but now all seems to be fake...fuck up right?first of all,y r eve they all say i fuck up?say i be with her just to use her father money?i didn't really think so loh...i remember very clearly...y she say i with her i treat her like a dog,making her my free slave?i nvr tot of tt...y she say i owe her 1200,which i still can remember how she spend the money,when she's with me...she says about the ang bao money tt his dad gave him,she say i used it...which i can remember very clearly tt the money we used it together n most of it is she spend one?y she say i wanna break shiman n zhe off n make shiman my gf?n i still can remember very clearly i drawn my line fucking clear tt i will not do such things...n y shiman dun trust me n confirm tt i lie n make up story which i remember fucking clear tt she say if noone trust me in this world she will still trust me?n i recall n recall but i just can't recall i make up any story to HER...
I was always wondering,where is the fucking problem?then today something big happened...ya i am the cb...i backstabbed someone...actualli didn't intend to do so...but just for g/h sake...keke wat a lame reason right?someone spreading rumours in g/h...n she spread to me,n i remember fucking clearly,n i still can recall how she says it on the phone...ya,i feel guilty for backstabbing her...but i hope she could change n dun do this again...tt's my intention...even worst come to worst she kanna fired,i still can stop this rubbish from going all around...but she die also dun admit,n say i'm the one tt spread rumours...confirm i didn't...i remember very clearly...she even says does she have to swear anot...this makes me think...am i the wrong one or is she the wrong one?dun say about i backstab her,say about the fact...she even cried...so...wat if i remembered wrongly?all this r my fault...cheryl give us a chance...if we dun admit,then she will do something...n of cos i know wat thing...prepared liao...so i die also dun admit...i trust myself...so i take off my tie n go...change liao cheryl call me come up...say it's still not too late...wtf...i was thinking,maybe i admit i lie we both can stay...so at least there will be time to change her...but she say wat if even i admit we both still have to go?so?wan me to say the truth right?wat's the truth?i NVR SPREAD THIS FUCKING RUMOUR...she is lying...but still i goes...i dunno she going by when,doesn't matter...i asked cheryl,am i right to backstab her n tell the truth?she say yes,i'm right...then y the fuck i land up here?i realli dunno...if i'm wrong then no matter wat happen i will not tell my superior this kind of things liao...it's their own fuck problem...but y she say i'm right?so,she also thinks tt i say the lie?Y?even elly dun trust me?noone trust me there?then for wat fuck i care for them till this extend?n y the fuck cheryl say i'm right?ok i understand cheryl situation,she fire both of us is of cos,but y is she saying tt i'm right?n y tt gal is not admitting anything?she dun have the heart issit?fuck....onli one conclusion tt will solve everything...from long ago,all my memories r fake...illusion...y can't i remember i have the intention of make using eve?y i can't remember i wanna take away shiman from zhe?y i cannot remember i owe eve the money?y can't i remember tt i make up any story to shiman?y?y can't i remember i told tt gal all the rumours n i onli can remember tt she told me all this?arghhh....ccb...all this r my uncertain memories...no,totally not my memories...so wat i'm having in my head now r all lies?
I'm cb enough to make use of eve's father money,take her as a slave,using all her money like a blood sucker,trying to take shiman away from zhe to make her my gf,n i spread all these rumour to tt gal?so i'm the fucker la?wtf now...so is this the truth?i realli hope tt someone will tell me tt all these r not real...i'm breaking down...i can't even trust myself now...i'm tt fucker tt for nothing backstab tt gal...is this wat u mean?I was so fucking demoralise...lost my soul...went to esplanade there watch sea....wanted to take a photo back but hp low batt...ccb...ya,wat eve say in friendster should be correct...i can't succeed...i'm just a useless fuck...i was thinking...if i have no family wat will i do?call her come my house,call her to take wat ever she wans,n say wat can i do to repay her?want me to eat shit also can,in the end i will go to little india there n walk across the fucking road,so all the insurance money will be hers...i got nothing liao...wanna take wat from me take...i dun fuck care...die liao no need think so much...this is wat i think when i look at the so call sea...wa,y here become like tt...not like last time...i was with eve here ever once...love the sky...also miss the sea side at coasta sand...it's stupid to go there alone man...erm...these memories...
Fuck u...i confirm all these r real...i can remember fucking clear...wat i wear tt day,wat she wear tt day...how we walk,how early it is,y we at coasta sand,becos of wat we sit at the beach kanna bite by mosquitos...i remember very very clear...these r not illusions...ccb,u wan me to lost trust on myself?fuck u la...all these memories r true...i took out the paper of morning ala carte condiments...i seen it once,n i can remember the whole paper,how many paper r there wat is written n drawn on it....which one is i wrote,which one is cheryl wrote...pulling out all my memories...i remember clearly,all r the same from my memories when i look at the paper...think back...how she tell me all the rumours...i can remember very clearly...then bring out all my memories of eve...i can remember,even how i first meet her,how she dress when she first come to my house,i can remember how i know yao rong...when is the first time i saw him...5 years back...zhe,when is the first time i saw him,wat i wear n wat he wears,shiman when i first saw her,wat happened all these while...i all can remember fucking clearly...alot of things i can't pull out cos it's something tt is not important...but there is 7 person in my life i can remember very clearly...eve,yao rong,zhe,shiman,ting,jer,and ade...how i know them,wat happen all the while i can remember fucking clearly...tt's the problem y i get so upset...becos of all these fucking memories,shake also cannot shake off...these r my sin,my retribution is how i missed them now...so u wan me to deny all these memories?haha i wan to,but i can't...
So let analyse wat went wrong...a big big problem with my personality...how i express myself,n how i reach the target tt is righteous to me...first,y she say i wanna use her dad's money tt's y i'm with her...i remember clearly,i told yao rong this...'everybody wanna aim her dad's money,including me...'c? the big problem's here...ya i said this...but wat's my intention?eve cried b4 me n say she upset her dad...her dad must be thinking tt she dunno how to think...so how?in her family onli her 2nd sis is possible of taking the business...but she not tt kind of good person...so at least eve take over her dad's business so her dad will definately felt tt she is capable n will be happy...firstly,her dad will be happy...second she will be capable enough if she can maintain tt business...third,we no need realli care about wat we r going to eat everyday...i dunno wat i will get,i onli aiming a job in the company tt's good enough...i didn't want more...told myself alot of times,her family money is her's,i didn't want to be with her just for her dad's money...this is my intention,but from the way i say it n the way i do it,will anybody trust?keke...very well...
Second,i used her as a slave?i admit it when i had given out scarlet...she should have seen how weak i am tt time...dun tell me she dunno how i feel tt time...other than tt?told her, if she dun wanna wash the clothes just leave it, i will wash sooner or later...but she say no clothes liao...then just wash some of hers first loh...i still have ma...of cos she will wash all...ah my fault again...fuck...the room's dirty,nvm la,i will clean up de...anyway i clean up liao later also messy...y?cos she like to throw her things all around...if u felt tt i'm making use of u then tell me la...just tell me right infront...scold me untill i clear my mind...have to wait till we breaking up then say ma?so in future i will find a fierce gf...i do wrong onli just fuck me right in front of me...dun avoid cos scare we quarrel...ah this problem i realli have my fault la...dun push,i should be more ti tie n xi xing...
Third,say i use the money?i borrowed more than 400 bucks from bernard becos of u, u know?suddenly got money,i say pick it up from the floor u believe ah?ha...fine...i realli dun wanna say all the love tt i gave u loh...i nvr k gao one...cos i always felt tt i nvr love u enough...from my studies,my career,u know it best ba...i nvr regret loving u...lets talk about the 600 ang bao money...we put in money,u put 100 i put 70...ya u put more... so in the end i still can remember the number very nice...777...200+ goes to the ipod...which when u wan tt time i just say ok loh go buy...not say i not heart pain leh...cos not my money...but i take it as our money...we r going to work hard to put in more money...i still can remember how happy u r...how u kissed me...hehe...sweet memories ya?left around 500+then u remember ur tt 4 bra tt cos 400+?left 100+...wait,ur mum got give u 300 right?then put into my account...400+ the rest we use slowly untill we left with less than 200...then u wanna buy ebi...ya...i can say i also wanna buy...we went to spca,pasir ris dog farm...finally found ebi...so desparate for it...we make so many lies to find the money...untill the end my mom n sis borrow loh...600...ebi 650...so how much we left?the most 100+...c?how we use the ang bao money?haha...this is the past le...i still remember y i so scared u use the money tt's y i control u...150 in 2 days u left with 20 bucks...c liao also scared...remember ma?dun think so...but i trust my memories...
Fourth,eve say i wanna make shiman my gf...fuck la...be more confident,u better than her...haha...both got good points la...but i already make it clear liao...i treat her like my bro...love her,still remember how she explain y i treat her so good...cos i no small brother ma...tt's y...then now u say i got tt kind of feelings for u?up to u...my principle stands,anyone with bf i will not think of making her my gf...cos,i know how pain it is,i pity tt guy,n i won't not love anyone tt is not faithful to their bf...no matter how fuck up tt bf is,u break liao then say...after sometime then u think carefully...whether u still love him anot...then we spend more time to understand each other then say...eve u r not wrong la...but u really didn't think of my feelings n go straight with him loh...tt's y u make my balls so pain...nvm,it's ok de...
Fifth...fuck u la...i know y u didn't admit...cos,u don't dare to face ur failure...i lie b4 also...without exact prove i won't admit de...but tt was when my age is onli single digit...dun be childish...i did so many wrong things,i hurt so many ppl....although take me time...but i face my failure...i face the fact...n i'm willing to let my next relationship knows how fuck up i am to my ex gf...nvm if they even meet...if my next gf knows liao dun wanna be with me,fine,i accept it...i'm changing,if u dun wanna give me chance it's fine...i deserve it...change the way i express things...change my style of doing things...i fail n fail,but i will still carry on n get braver...
The sin i've done will nvr be able to repay,unless she accepts...but too bad,dun think it's possible...so sorry...but i still have to move on...as wat i say,i will let everyone knows how i treat u...no problem...i'm so sorry not to treasure u...but i can't die now...n whether i would succeed i also dunno,i will keep on trying...untill my times up...nothing to worry,i'm still living my life to the fullest...
Erm say i will try n try again...but i realli very tired...pulling so much memories out...realli,my memories got limit....alot of things i also cannot remember liao...so tired...let me rest a few days ba...take it as holiday...these few days eat finger can liao...so lonely...haha...