Been awake at 9 today...say wanna meet erlina to go make her hair...wa damn tired...nvr work also so tired...haiz...this feeling is my emotion again...think alot last night...i still haven't receive the reply from shiman...disappointed again...a person realli can be condemn ah...how many chance i've been given?i dunno...either countless or dun have...dunno...emotion tired again...haiz...dun care,go find erlina...find her at heeren...first time meeting her out alone...dun meet her too much...ppl got bf de...dun wan the same old situation happen again...anyway,i'm just helping her about the work thing n explain how i kanna fired by g/h...
Basically i go toilet 3 times while i waiting there...took almost 3.5 hour ba...highlight onli oso so long...cos her hair damn long la...chat with her awhile,play game awhile...after tt go eat...can't decide wat to eat...walk all the way to far east,then tot of eating at tt restaurant...ade last time work there de...tt sushi tei,but close liao,now become korean restaurant...go there eat loh...quite ex actually...but got alot to eat...eat untill i cannot finish...been talking to her about her financial n relationship problem...financial wise i may not be able to do anything,but i can help her through my net work...relationship...haiz...she has the same problem tt most gals have...she say she didn't regret...but...i regret...haha she say it's my own problem...anyway she gets the ball anot?dunno...was thinking...haiz...heart shaking...not the right time...of cos i will definately hint...but i can observe the outcome...so i didn't do anything...of cos got the urge to try,but it's against my principle...vyn,dun overcome by ur loneliness...put my loneliness aside...look at her...ok de ma...erm...so wat?my principle still stands...put all my emo away...tell her my point of view...n onli one thing tt can solve the problem...have the heart tt eve have...then things will be ok liao...n if her bf realli treasure her...die also will wan her back...but it's risky la,cos most probably other guys will come aiming her...but of cos i explain the reason behind,to let her bf understand how important is her...n dun do tt kind of things...this is wat i think la...eh...dun think anyone who read this part will understand wat i mean ba...haha fuck care...
She also live yishun...alot of ppl i know live yishun sia...haha...she go home rest loh....yesterday sleep so little,promise will help her on her financial thingy de la...then i also go home...on computer...lie on bed then knock out....meeting kenny at 7...haha overslept...faster rush down...ah...the devil...ate kfc with him...wth...i wear untill like tt he wear untill like office man like tt...haha he just finish work...talk cock for very long la...he is the person tt possibly can help erlina de,but he also say very difficult...erm...just call him to help me look out...
Walk home again...today earlier...same path...same old thing in my mind... ................ ..............................emo thingy...suddenly think g/h problem...did i do the right thing?seriously speaking,even cheryl say it's right it's onli at her point of view...to her of cos right...but to me leh?i lost my job now...finding another one not tt difficult,but a good one tt can fit my critirial,difficult...g/h can consider the best liao...wat should i do?ebi n bengo...i realli made the wrong choice tt time to get them...realli...think back 2 years ago...the things in my room...if i was force to move out,i can do it within 3 hours confidently...but now?dunno take me how many days...where can i go?where can they go?even if i wanna leave singapore n work also impossible...how?i make the decision to have so little things 2 years ago is becos i know one day i have to leave,n i have to learn to be independent...eve must be thinking i'm saying rubbish...cos she's the one doing all the things...but i'm serious,even now i'm staying alone i still able to do everything myself...not a problem...getting used liao,cos last time i also having this kind of life,so i know i can do it de...been reading the things she wrote on my blog...again n again...showing tt i nvr love her b4...tt time,when i love her,r all those fake?to me it's real loh,even when i just like her tt time...wanted her to be happy...i dun love her enough...i'm really tt.......fuck up...as a friend,i also.......i failed man...i know...but reading those msg again n again...no matter how many ppl around me think i'm a ok person,thinking i would be a good lover,but getting hated by my ex gf n all the close friend around me to this extend...am i realli ok?i'm not a good guy,but i will try to be...i'm not a good bf,but i will try to be....i'm a fuck up friend,i will try to be good...i will....hold my principle tight,learn my lesson n remind myself everyday...nvr repeat these again...learn all these...i know one thing...all my love i showed to them...they dun feel it at all...especially eve...for tt year...realli dun feel it ah...tt's my heart u know?dun u remember anything?nothing at all ma?just felt tt i'm abusing u,just felt tt i'm ill treating u?tt's all ma?so for the pass one year u realli felt so?how i wish...still could call u tt.......'dear' u know?during tt year,u've always been my dearest?when u all leave me tt time i went crazy wanted to kill u all...in my dreams...repeat n repeat,but no matter which way,when i'm just going to kill u tt time,i stop...so painful...knowing tt year,all the things i do for u,u onli felt tt i'm acting,i'm making use of u...when i say i hate u,do u hear it from ur heart or from ur ears?definately ear ba,if not those msg would not exist,these things would not happen,i will nvr felt.........all these pain...
Seriously speaking,felt something's wrong...with the common sense of the ppl around me...pls dun say i arrogant n proud...i'm just saying my point of view...anyone reading on this blog...problem is....first,g/h matter...y would i,as a part timer,thinking of going into full time tt time,wants to backstab her?she's not outstanding,she's not performing well,she does not have potenital,even her attitude hasn't been right...if i wanna backstab her n get her out of g/h so i will have lesser obstacles,y i choose her?y not other new comers?cheryl n i analyse 5 potential new comers,y i dun choose any of them?unlogical right?even old timers have a few tt can be stab...y i wanna choose this gal?wat if i say,becos these rumour will affect cheryl n the g/h reputation,i'm just trying to help,does it sounds right?
Next,my matter...am i the one should be condemn?i denied so many things...but they still say i'm wrong...i'm trying to look at a more general point of view,they say i'm wrong,nvm,i try to look at their point of view...i admit some things tt i think i maybe wrong n change it into i'm wrong,but the rest they still say i'm wrong...trying to say my life,my principle,my watever r all bullshit,dun use mistake as the word...'unchangable mistakes'trying to say i'm worst then anything,living is just wasting the world's resource...so no matter how much i accept tt's my fault still not enough...onli way out it's death...but tt's my base line,i can't,cos tt definately not fair to my family...isn't it?do u agree,sis?so in the end if they still hold the grudge n wanna revenge on me,i've decide....do wat i can to protect my love ones...tt's wat left...in the end most probably i will fail n depress again...lossing all the love ones,beos of me...n tt time they will be laughing at me,when i finally kill myself...but i will still choose this path...this is the onli way...do my best...go all the way up...no choice liao...think i'm being abit mad liao...i'm just saying,may not be true...just msg her,asking how can i repay,rong say the onli way it's to return her the money n comics...n fuck off from their lives...ya,this is it...if tt's the onli way,of cos i can do it...i dun wan to make them upset anymore...if tt's the way i will definately do it...simple...
Ya,haven't say wat's their common sense problem...y am i still being stress n troubled by this matter?been how long liao?4 months coming up issn't it?y am i still like tt?y am i still crying?y i'm still writing on my blog about this matter everynight?y i still care for their feelings?if i'm acting,will i do so?if i didn't wan to treasure them will i still hope tt time goes back?anybody reading this,tell me by using ur analysation...tell me wat's the reason?i myself,not standing in my point of view analyse this...2 possibilities...first,they r wrong,n trying to push all these fault onto this boy,but this boy realli treasures everything,tt's y he's still like tt....second,this boy did things wrong...he didn't treasure untill everything is too late...but definately he's putting his pride n everything down begging for forgiveness n a chance to change...this r the possibilities...but most probably the second one,these guys hate him to this extend,means something's wrong with him...
Dunno la...talking about some personal problems of kenny's today...he also human,of cos got his problem...not to mention,but come to a topic of themometer n themoset...one is change by the environment,another is change the evironment...primary sch,miss chin already told the whole class this matter already...sure noone remember ba...haha...erm,example,when i go reservist tt time,i finish liao go eat dinner with stamford,then saw this gal at mac donald...not bad la...but i like kanna suck by her...cos army no gals ma... haha...like kenny now...his environment 90% all gals,his standard of chio bu is getting higher liao loh...somemore different ppl different taste...so i say,dun change ur standard becos of environment,sometimes cannot be stop la,but try...u fix ur own standard no matter on work,on gals or on anything...u set the standard...till u can easily reach it,then aim higher...tt's it...so my standard for my next gal will be sky high...not talking about appearance,of cos need also la,but seriously is character n personality...haha
Erm,title abit not suit for today...dun realli rot today...tml how?n how many days more?i'm so scare i write untill part 30 sia...