Chapter XLVI: Rotting Apple(Part 8)
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Haha another day rotting...sian...ok la...bring bengo out,since it's the last day liao...haiz...hope she realli will give u all happiness ba...funny feeling right?putting the happiness of ur loved ones on other's hand...i....haiz...say wat also no use...cos alot of times i'm choiceless...n if i say wat i have to say,she,or they all will say i lying again...nvm it's fine...growing up,will realli make u have lesser friend liao...haha,somemore i choose this,even lesser...having lesser friend in another point of view is lesser weakness...lesser thing for me to care...ya...i'm blending in,all of u may think tt i'm a fucker,but remember the days...ting,remember then?wat happened?u dun even know when i refer to...but i still remember,ah nvm...i'm tt person...i nvr change...eve,u still remember tt night?which night neh?haha i'm just talking to myself...all these sweetness r true,all the while i still have the love,but in alot of different ways n angle tt u can't c...u r the closest,so u can c my change...it's just appearance,but my heart is still tt me...rong,u still remember those days?ah...think u still can clearly remembered...my heart didn't change also...shiman,can u remember those days?wat i said to u,i realli mean it...i didn't change...realli...zhe,i may lie in front of u about some stuffs,but i didn't lie to u,just forget to explain...often,we use our brains to interact,i enjoy it when i know there is another 'creature' tt thinks so much alike with me...in brain wise i improve also...we often learn from each other...keke,but my heart,u c my heart tt time,not my brain onli...i didn't change...i'm just blending in...i will come back to myself once i reach my target...trust me...n hope all of u guys,happy...take care...all my "friends"...
Come back...today go interview at Zouk for bartender post...hoho...most probably can...dunno la...find as many lobang as possible at this point of time...so at least can have some income b4 'it' starts...dunno will start anot also...haha...nvm...just be positive n work hard...
Meet clarisse after tt...go eat...she always cannot make up her mind on...dunno la...auntie...think she going to become les liao...haiz...die...not my problem also la...not interested...hehe...then go find a ah neh friend at little india...haha my buddy...although often dunno wat he talking...haha nvm...then go back home rest awhile...wa...today god damn hot...bengo last day liao...haiz...after tt,online chat with these 2 gal...wth...kanna niam keng like tt...haha sorry ah..everytime c them send a msg liao,i think already,then wanna reply tt time second msg coming...haiz,nvm...think they more talkative online then me...haha...but i realli apreciate their heart....thanx...
Know a friend kanna jail 3 years...y?dun say better,personal image...haiz...he got disease leh...english call PPD...PostPartum Depression...go check wat is these online...c the symptoms...haha 63.24% city ppl may have this disease... a depression...erm?no need c doctor also know...i have it...alot of ppl around me have it too...erm...my tt friend ah...have the disease yet same judgement...if one day i becos of the disease do something wrong n kanna charge,i will still face it,cos i choose not to c doctor...ppl having this problems often won't go c doctor one...cos need go woodbridge...actually i know i have this disease long time ago liao...but i dun care...i will use my own strength to fight it...eve remember ma?told u,b4 u go crazy,just leave me...i mean this...u got it too u know?guess u may know also...just let go wat ever it's in the past...things will be easier...this is one of the solution i found...cos of this disease,inner stress plus external stress...inner one,must eat medicine then can cure,external one,as long u no trust u will nvr be cure...i nvr c doc,so i must cure myself...b4 i realli did something god damn wrong...b4 ns tt time i already have this problem liao...ever since tt thing happened,i guess i got it already...compare to then,i'm doing much better after ns...till tt time,i start to lost hold,n when tt thing happened i lost it...gone fuck...now...back to normal...who knows when i will be gone again...n do something tt will nvr be recovered?first,dun hold ur grude,wat is past is past,like wat i said...(wrath)second,everbody have their gift when they r born,even the handicapped...make use of it...(sloth)third,everybody has needs,but how do u control it matters...use it properly...(lust)fourth,get enough is enough,somethings cannot get enough,dun force over ur ability...(greed)fifth,we r humans,we cry,we maybe useless at times,even for guys,let go of tt ego n rest...rest is the way to make u walk longer...(pride)sixth,somethings ppl have u may not have it...it's fine de...treasure wat u have instead thinking on how can u get it from him...
(envy)Last,everything has it's good n bad side...dun over do it...think n plan alone is good,too much u will onli get crazy...blaming urself is good in some sense,but not over do it...stress is good,dun over stress...(gluttony) 7 deadly sins written in the bible...but i know,as long as u know how to settle all these shit in ur heart,life will be much easier...u won't go hay wire like my friend...since everyone have the possiblity of having tt disease,in fact i can c all my "friends" have...so...take care ya...i can't help much...haiz...think everyone gonna fuck me up after i say this,but it's the fact ma...if u dun wanna kanna these,then go to the country side n live la,we r humans leh...haha...
Recently always say about god neh...think tt auntie influence me liao...but no matter how she psyhco i still a free thinker...cos,i cannot confirm there is god...but i always say,if there is,n i'm not interested whether there is anot...i trust myself...n my path...i'm just interested about the stories in the bible n stuffs....surprise she's still a christian after toking to me for so long...haha she's christian since young ma...haha,good for her ba...faithful gal...but too bad,i dun like les...
