Went work today,late...i have to change this fate...can be early,cos lack of motivation,went back sleep again...ya tt's the word...motivation...i'm searching for tt...nothing seems important to me now,tt's y lack of motivation...end work at 6...late 8 mins,so give back 8 mins...dunno will cut pay anot...nvm...
Bought golden when i leave...told zi han,it was my medicine for fever...still feel feverish now,but didn't take temperature...dun give a damn...da bao whopper home,eat,watch bleach then start drinking...been drinking these few days...from the day with bernard...just have the feeling...to drink...searching for something,dunno wat...till just now...
Dunno becos i miss her or i'm lonely...perhaps finally drink enough,beyond the point of high,abit drunk i guess...i miss something...not her...just hug my bolster n cry...long time nvr feel this warm on my face...this feeling...i miss her,or i dun...i dun miss her now...the eve now...it's before...the times when i call her dear...not the eve now...definately...she changed...fill with hatred perhaps...dun give a damn...either an enemy or a stranger to me now...i onli concern her in the past...not her i mean...the feeling...the feeling of love...i crave for the hugs...i like the kisses...i miss those call...i wish for those whispers...i love tt SMILE...none of them exist now...even if i get it,it's from someone else...i dun mind,if it's true...i dun mind even risking my life for it...hereby,i truthfully HOPE tt i will get this feeling again...something tt is onli mine...which worth me giving up my everything,my career,my ambition,anything...nothing is important to me anyway...i can onli hope...
Perhaps,when the day come,when i finally found this feelings...it's already my time to go...my state now...my lifestyle now...just digging my own grave...but i will still wan to lie on this feeling once again...even for a night,a short period b4 i leave...this is the feeling i crave for,which will nvr change...
Ah,awake already...not drunk liao...i wrote the above when i'm half drunk...haha...anyway,golden is really nice neh...think this will be my favourite...hoho...