Met some big problems...long time nvr update blog there must be a reason...either something very happy happened or something very sad happened...
I often ask myself,wat is right wat is wrong...when in studies,there's always right n wrong answers to question,when grow older,more n more difficult to know wat is right or wrong...law is the basic tt determines right or wrong...but there r alot of things tt is beyond law...often c movie when ppl r at court they swear for wat they say is truth...means the law is also a presence of god? so if in court i have not commited crime,i will go heaven?i just felt tt it's bullshit...isn't it?law is full of logic,i was once so interested in it...but found tt alot of things cannot be determined by logic...even i didn't study law,just becos of my borned logical sence,i can know wat to do to escape law...when i turned back my head,n i found tt i did so much things tt law can nvr place any guilt on me...but,it's i myself tt put the guilt on myself...i feel guilty for doing somethings...i can forgive n learn from mistake if the mistake is not too big,n i can repay it...till i made some mistakes,half a year ago,which i know i will nvr be able to repay...after sometime,i realise life stills goes on,so i was force to forgive myself...n will try my best not to make the same mistake...but,i did it again...i was so lost...n i even make a mistake tt half a year ago i felt tt it was totally wrong,n i hated the ppl tt inflicted the pain to me for quite sometime...yet i did it myself...partially is becos i'm too stubborn for admitting tt i lost to fate... i break my principle n throw away my pride...yet i still lost...i lost to fate,i lose my pride,i lose my principle...i even can't say tt i'm correct...i'm totally gone...the thinking in my mind is so complicated,i can't take a break for thinking about it,if not i have to spend even longer time to think through it...this is the crime of emotion...where law can nvr place any sentence on me,yet everyone will think tt i'm wrong,even myself...just felt tt i'm goner...
I was so troubled...ppl around me tt have faith in me,i'm totally nothing...i even disappoint myself...i try to escape,i try to get drunk,i try to work harder to forget about thinking it...i even lied to myself...just for a few days...i know i shouldn't,but it's too complicated...untill last night i finally give up...i need to face the problem...becos time is still moving...getting closer to the deadline...if the problem is something i can solve i will definately find a way to solve it,if not,i will change myself to make it not a problem...problem lies on my principle...i'm too concern about tt...a principle is a guideline to urself n also show a false image to others...since i break it,it's too stupid tt i say i will not break it again...i can say so,but tt principle is not there anymore...it's something i can throw away n forget about it...second is my feeling...i always think tt i may die anytime,noone knows when they will die,tt's y treasure every moment n every of ur love ones...it's right n it's wrong too...cos i DUNNO when i'm going to die...wat if i live till 100?n will the ppl i treasure n love,realli loves me?i put in so much effort n care to ppl around me wat did i get?this splits into 2 part...i must definately choose who should i treasure,second,i should make the person happy in a longer term way,cos he or she may not die tml...contridicting right?cos tt's the way i love eve n now this is wat's the ending...so i must let the ppl i love,choose wat they wan...cos sometimes they themselves know the best wat can make them happy...i dun blame eve,cos i was the one tt didn't wake up,n it's definately right for choosing wat she wans...human r selfish...wat to do...this is not a problem tt i can settle...it's onli waste of time thinking a way out...the onli way out is to accept the fact,n of cos,tt little bit of wishes after my anger n sadness had peace down...wish them all the best...
Gal, making choices is difficult n painful i know...alot of ppl knows,but u can't escape for life...since ur life is this way,then just accept it...tt choice u make,makes both of us painful,but it's ur choice,i know i can't do anything about it...i already escaped for a while,but can't escape for life...so pls,wake up n face the problem,i will try my best to make u even a little happier,even it's u wan me to disappear from ur life...ya,maybe u still wanna escape for awhile,it's ok...just be it...but pls hold on soon...dun give up on ur life,cos anything could happen,as long u r alive...trust me on this...
Princess,c u today,u look really happy,dun think it's my presence tt make u had tt smile on ur face now...go c dentist ah?haha u should,who call u eat urself so much...no matter wat,it's still brings me a little light for seeing ur smile...someone tt i onli can admire but can nvr get any closer...i dun deserve...i made my decision,i may call it evil now,but soon will be part of me tt i won't even think it's wrong...no,i mean there is nothing right or wrong as long i feels good...erm,so ur smile n ur naive is definately a good thing,cos it's makes me feels good...remember wat i told u,maybe u will meet the problem,maybe not...but if u meet it,come n find me,i may have tt little magic to make u smile again...know y i always call u princess?cos ur smile,have healing power,my heart is seriously injured,but ur smile....at least kill the pain for tt little moment...thanx,princess...