I was thinking... realli thinking hard... a guy like me.... do i give a feeling tt i'm capable? i always wondered... i'm a strong guy...i will not feel tired,despair,sad,demoralise,or even mentally destructed? all i tried b4 n i started over again...but dunno y...y do ppl have tt feeling tt i'm far more capable then i am... n make me chasing the image tt ppl created tt is always far more stronger than i am? no matter where i am...with who... issit born with me? is this a type of charm? seriously... i guess it's born with me...ever since young...this ton of weight is on me... i wanna say i'm tired... but... to who can i say so?
Betrayers always falls on me... issit becos of this charm? one of the person tt saw my past said b4,those guys envy my presence...tt's y i'm betrayed... issit possible? seems a high testimonial to comfort me tt time... perhaps i shouldn't be the one to say so...ever since long time ago... these shit repeats...for more than 3 times... how many times can i hold on to myself with these kind of betrayer repeats? common sence will tell tt i will not trust anyone... but this reaction is definately not a good reason for suspecting anybody...nobody like to be suspected...including me...but my past build me to this,anything tt is not logical,doesn't make any sense,even a little i will start to suspect...espacially towards ppl tt had lied to me...can't be help....i'm struggling...but who gives a damn?
Sorry if u feel suspected by me...i'm sorry...perhaps u felt tt i dun trust u...but i'm still learning how to trust others...it's painful u know?but sometimes just let me say i'm tired...i'm scared,i need to rest...i need ur security...but...i guess i can't be weak...cos u also created a image tt i'm tt strong...so i have some catching up to do...for u onli...perhaps onli my pillow knows how weak i am n let me rest my head n cry...T.T